Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Kenzie Watch: Day 5
The Court of Big Brother task continued today, and the most pressing task for Queen Lisa, Princess Caprice and Duchess Brigitte to contemplate was exactly what punishment should be dished out to Jeremy and Kenzie. The fact that they hadn't yet done anything which would necessitate a punishment did not seem to be important, merely that something suitably humiliating should be in store for them should they feel the need to transgress. Fortunately for them, however, the minute they started discussing this in the private bedroom, Kenzie, perhaps quite keen on the idea of punishment, immediately began eavesdropping and was promptly caught by the girls. Not that he was going to admit his guilt, however. With the sort of street smart skills that kept him out of jail during his time hanging around on street corners sharing a bottle of cider with 5 other people, he promptly denied he was eavesdropping, claiming that he was checking his hair in the mirror when he thought he heard his name being called, which was why he had his generously proportioned ear up against the crack in the door. Jeremy backed him up on this, but the ladies were having none of it and promptly sentenced him to perform 20 forward thrusts once he got out of the sauna. This he duly performed, with Jeremy sitting on the edge of the bed watching on with a look that some might call "Amused detatchment", but we're going to call "unabashed lust", in a bid to fit our more and more tortured Jeremy/Kenzie love in theory.
That wasn't the only time that Jeremy found himself watching longingly from the sidelines as Kenzie performed for the entertainment of others. A jousting tournament was organised for the afternoon and it was Bez and Kenzie who found themselves facing each other in the final. Poor Jeremy was left on the sidelines looking on as Kenzie proudly displayed his long, hard and powerful lance and thrusted it with enthusiasm, if slightly lacking in skill, towards Bez's target area. Alas, Bez's older years meant that he soon took control and showed Kenzie exactly how lance wielding should be done, leading to him being declared the winner.
Evil Big Brother reared it's ugly head today, in more ways than one, as a new arrival entered the house, Jackie Stallone, mother in law of Brigitte and a good example of why plastic surgery is a very bad idea. Lisa described her as the Bride of Frankenstein, which is slightly unfair given that Lisa herself has not been without her encounters with the ugly stick. Before her arrival the only clues that had been given to the public as to who the new housemate would be was that it would be someone from one of the current contestant's past. With this in mind we had been vaguely hoping that Rachel Stevens might have been entering the house, perhaps to atone for the sins of More More More, but it wasn't to be. Jackie may well prove to be good value though, as she has already been discussing rumpology - the act of telling the future from someone's arse - with Kenzie, proving that someone else inside the house is interested in his bum.
With all the stress caused by Jackie's arrival, the housemates decided that they finally had enough of the Court of Big Brother task and had a revolution, which pretty much amounted to them saying they couldn't be arsed with it anymore and little else. Despite this, it did get Kenzie, who had clearly been drinking heavily throughout the evening, over excited and he began jumping around the room excitedly and going over to John, who had finally started talking again as a result of this, telling him "I'm fucking with you, John!", over and over again. Eventually, to calm him down, Jeremy took him in his arms and hugged him in the dark of the bedroom, an act which we're sure would have got his pulse racing even more, but would no doubt have served the purpose of transferring all that adrenalin and testosterone to an entirely different part of his body.
