Wednesday, June 22, 2005
10 Things We State About...
Blimey, what a quiet week in pop this is turning out to be. Should you find yourself in a record shop in the next few days, your CD player will love you if you buy a copy of the really rather fab MIA track, Bucky Done Gun, which is basically what the Grandstand theme would sound like if we lived in a perfect world. Of course, if we did live in a perfect world, the Noise Next Door wouldn't exist, Chewing Gum wouldn't litter the streets, but would have held firm to the number one spot for a ridiculous length of time and the Crazy Frog would be nothing but one man?s unpleasant nightmarebut at least MIA is at least trying to make the world a much better place by releasing top pop gems like this, and we can only salute her for her efforts. Also to be found in the record shops this week is Steve Harley and Cockney Rebel's Make Me Smile (Come up and See Me) which, if you don't already own a copy - which is pretty unlikely given that this is the fourth time it's been issued and it's hardly a stranger to the world of compilations - you should really rush out and buy. It may be thirty years old, but it's still a perfect piece of pop and manages to sound a lot fresher than most of this week's releases, though given that this week includes new tracks by Stereophonics, Bobby Valentino and a couple of incredibly dated dance numbers by Armand van Helden and Judge Jules, this isn't really that impressive a boast.But anyway, while the pop scene may be a bit quiet, the Indie scene is all agog with the prospect of catching Legionaires disease, paying over the odds for slightly dirty Tesco brand mushrooms in the mistaken belief that you'll have the trip of a lifetime and actually seeing a cow, what with Glastonbury being 'go' this weekend, so we, as always, are proud to present ten entirely true and in no way made up facts about the nation's favourite farm based festival run by a man who's hair is on upside down:-
- Glastonbury is a festival famed for it's freedom, spirituality and it's hippies. Indeed, many people go to Glastonbury for the vibes alone which are so strong that to keep all that freedom in one place a big fuck off fence has had to be built to keep them in and anyone without a ticket out.
- Bez, from Celebrity Big Brother, is the only person who has ever taken drugs on the site.
- Glastonbury isn't just about the music, and never has this been more true than this year, what with Keane, Coldplay, Doves, Ian Brown, Primal Scream and KT Tunstall all turning up to send the public scattering to all corners of the site, fingers in ears.
- If you do find yourself bored of the line-up, you can spend time in the Circus Field, Healing Field, Green Futures field or the site encompassing Fucking Hippies field.
- Cows have really sharp teeth and will bite you if you get too close.
- People who seem like fantastic company when you meet them at 3AM in the morning on your first night on site will rarely seem quite so interesting when they spend the rest of the weekend tagging along with you. They will seem like positively sparkling company, however, compared to the person who sits next to you for the entire bus journey back, telling you in mind numbing detail exactly how high he got over the weekend.
- Jo Whiley really is a natural and talented TV presenter.
- Every 50th person you meet will be Keith Allen.
- Many people will tell you that the bestest Glastonbury moment ever was when Radiohead played in 1997 and asked for the lights to be shone on the audience. The only reason they say this, is because the majority of the audience thought that this meant the gig was over and were quite chuffed that their whiney racket had been cut short.
- All bongo players are cunts.
