Tuesday, October 18, 2005
X Factor?
You may remember Adam Rickitt, who was famed both for his role as Nicky Tilsley in Coronation Street and for his tireless - and occasionally tiresome - work as a pop star, a time of great struggle for him, given that he was so close to the poverty line that he was apparently unable to own a single item of above waist clothing. Well, despite the fact that the disease which shares his surname probably has more public popularity than he does these days, the Tory party have quite excitedly announced that he'll be standing as an MP at some point in the future. Perhaps. If he gets selected that is. Also, we may be misremembering things, but we're sure that, similar to the current furore over David Cameron, when he was doing his pop thing, lots of people were convinced that he was the sort of person who enjoyed nothing better than taking coke. Something like that anyway.
At least he's being consistent, though. He was unfashionable and unpopular during his previous career, so the Conservatives must seem like a natural home for him.
But why should we be so surprised at this move? After all, pop stars are experts in knowing what the audience wants to hear and give it to them. Indeed, with the plethora of TV talent shows which fill up the airwaves, many of them are far more successful than most politicians in persuading people to vote for them, even if a similar sense of disappointment and disillusionment washes over us shortly after they succeed. OK, maybe they're not used to the sort of hard-hitting questioning style practiced by James Naughtie or Jeremy Paxman, but given that most policy announcements these days seem to come from the GMTV sofa, they'll already be used to a far tougher grilling from Smash Hits journalists unconvinced that blue actually is their favourite colour after all.
In fact, when you think about it, filling the House of Commons with pop stars instead of politicians seems like one of the greatest ideas ever. So much so, in fact, that we got on the phone and asked a number of them what they would implement if they ever got elected. Here's what they said:-
At least he's being consistent, though. He was unfashionable and unpopular during his previous career, so the Conservatives must seem like a natural home for him.
But why should we be so surprised at this move? After all, pop stars are experts in knowing what the audience wants to hear and give it to them. Indeed, with the plethora of TV talent shows which fill up the airwaves, many of them are far more successful than most politicians in persuading people to vote for them, even if a similar sense of disappointment and disillusionment washes over us shortly after they succeed. OK, maybe they're not used to the sort of hard-hitting questioning style practiced by James Naughtie or Jeremy Paxman, but given that most policy announcements these days seem to come from the GMTV sofa, they'll already be used to a far tougher grilling from Smash Hits journalists unconvinced that blue actually is their favourite colour after all.
In fact, when you think about it, filling the House of Commons with pop stars instead of politicians seems like one of the greatest ideas ever. So much so, in fact, that we got on the phone and asked a number of them what they would implement if they ever got elected. Here's what they said:-
- Geri Halliwell // Compulsory ID cards for every citizen, though rather than carrying information about the carrier, they would instead contain Geri's detail, thus ensuring that everyone in the country knew who she was.
- Charlotte Church // Introduction of 36 hour drinking in pubs. When we pointed out the impossible nature of this, she became quite aggressive and asked if we were "starting something" before calming down, declaring us to be her "beshtest friend ever" and then asking if we could lend her some change for the fruit machine. She also wanted "some scampi fries and some nuts", though refused to be drawn as to how they would be distributed amongst the populace.
- Damon Albarn // Said he would call up Thom Yorke, find out what he thought, then phone us back.
- Pink Floyd // Abolition of University tuition fees, Universities, schools, teachers, etc.
- Westlife // All policies to be watered down and saccharine versions of old policies that have proven popular in the past.
- Jennifer Ellison // Current system of financial taxation to be scrapped and replaced by one which involves the collection of compliments, hugs, kisses, flowers and similar.
- Michael Jackson // Law courts to be told in no uncertain terms that having with young boys in your bed is perfectly acceptable behaviour, especially if you're a somewhat disturbed celebrity. Also, death sentence to be handed out to anyone suspected of being Martin Bashir.
- Harry McFly // Refused to answer on the grounds that he's already a member of the House of Lords.
- Wonderstuff // Applications to be sought for new cabinet position of 'Disco King'. (Oh yes, we're at the cutting edge of pop commentary)
- Bono // Wasn't sure, doesn't really 'get' politics.
- Rachel Stevens // New hardline policies on both Islamic extremists and romance. Will not negotiate with either terrorists or love.
- Blazin' Squad // ASBO's to be withdrawn. Specifically theirs.
- Crazy Frog // Road tax to be abolished for motorcycles which are clearly invisible. Ding-Ding.
- Lee Ryan // National Security budget to be halved and the money saved to be put towards a "bitching cool" elephant sanctuary to be situated in either "Essex, or the moon".
