Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

10 Things We State About... 

It's the Eurovision Song Contest on Saturday! And with the sort of crushing inevitability and lack of imagination that characterises much of what we produce for this site, here's ten entirely true and in no way made up facts about the worlds best trans-European festival of songwriting excellence and sparkly dresses:-
  1. As well as taking part in Eurovison, Israel also competes for the African Football Cup, the Superbowl and the Ashes.
  2. The clip of Bucks Fizz tearing off their skirts during Making Your Mind Up never gets dull, boring, repetitive and old.
  3. Being the British Eurovision contestant is a shortcut to fame, success and the opportunity to appear in "Where are they Now?" articles within two months of losing the competition.
  4. Terry Wogan - who, with his hilariously xenophobic comments, is now as much a part of Eurovision as embarrassing interval performances - is a member of the BNP, and often uses the platform of his Radio 2 Breakfast Show to spew out a stream of racist invective, demanding the creation of an Aryan state.
  5. Cliff Richard has, surprisingly enough, never won Eurovision. He came close with Congratulations, but lost out due to his refusal to suck off the Swedish judge.
  6. Abba are generally considered to be the bestest band ever to come out of Eurovision, but who can forget Britain's very own Love City Groove? Oh, right.
  7. The phenomenon that was Michael Flatley's Riverdance grew from the interval entertainment during one of Ireland's many times hosting the show. Despite this, however, Eurovison has been allowed to continue, although the people responsible for that particular travesty have since been executed.
  8. The decision to change to phone votes for each country, rather than a panel of judges, came about out of a genuine desire to represent the tastes and opinions of the watching viewers, and not because TV types would happily eat a plate of excrement if it meant they could make a few extra pennies from the public.
  9. Junior Eurovision really was a good idea, and whoever thought of it should be taken out and shot shaken by the neck hand.
  10. Go Javine!