Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Monday, October 23, 2006

Music Week 

Out today - as is the Popjustice album, which is also really rather ace, even if it does have the Sugababes slightly rubbish cover of the Arctic Monkeys on there - is the new Girls Aloud single, Something Kinda Ooooh which, as we've already mentioned is a slice of genius as brilliant as a two billion watt lightbulb, although we do have to subdue our praise for it slightly with the revelation on the official lyrics that the line is "Jumping on my toot toot" and not "tu-tu". Disappointed doesn't even beging to cover it.

Anyway, you'd be forgiven for thinking that, given the amount of times we've written about the Girls since we started this site, we've not so much started scraping the bottom of our comedy barrel when it comes to material about them, more digging confidently downwards and heading towards Australia at a rate of knots, and frankly you'd be right, but our vault of original ideas is stretched thinner than Nadine Coyle, so, with a certain air of inevitability, let's have a look at what our five favourite females have in store for them this week:-


As always in the pop world, a single release means a heady whirl of promotional appearences, live performances and meet and greets, with pretty much every second availiable to the Girls being used to get the message out to the general public that Girls Aloud have a new single out, it's really rather good indeed and they should really consider making their way down to their nearest record shop to buy a copy. To this end, Nadine, Cheryl, Kimberley and Sarah will spend today ironing out the finer details of their complicated itinery with their manager. Nicola will spend today going through the Radio Times with a fine toothcomb in the hope of finding out where their TV appearences are likely to be.


With such a huge variety of locations in various parts of the city of London and, indeed, the country, to visit, getting the right travelling arrangements for all the girls is a vitally important job. Nadine, Cheryl, Kimberley and Sarah will spend today being whisked from studio to station in a large, comfortable, chaffeur driven people carrier, never having to worry their pretty little heads about the spacial impossibilities of travelling the distances required in the time availiable. Nicola will spend most of today arguing with the bus driver about whether her travelcard has expired or not, before returning home to try and find enough change to enable her to purchase a one day pass (Zone 1 only).


As always, the girls not only have to sing like angels, chat with the ready wit we expect of our stars and dance with sassy exuberance, they've also got to look like the part as well, even for radio interviews. Who knows where the paparazzi will be hiding! Nadine, Cheryl, Kimberley and Sarah will each have their own personal stylist and make-up artist who will dress, paint, tweak and preen each girl until they all look like the incredibly beautiful young ladies they clearly are, with touch-ups being applied between each interviews lest a hair fall out of place or a crease cause concern. Nicola will today mooch around Topshop, trying on a few outfits and wondering to herself whether it'd be worth getting a Saturday job here so as to take advantage of the staff discount.


With such a stressful, busy and highly active schedule this week it's important to make sure the Girls are well fed and that their energy levels don't drop. To help them out, and to thank them for their hard work this week, the label will today take Nadine, Cheryl, Kimberley and Sarah out for a slap-up meal at a five star restaurant. Nadine enjoys the experience so much that she keeps dashing off to the toilet every five minutes to phone her friends and tell them all about it. Nicola makes herself a cheese, ham and pickle sandwich. Although as a result of a difference of opinions between herself and Tesco's about whether they should offer her credit or not, she's opted to have it without pickle. And ham. And cheese. And butter. And bread. But she does have a picture of one to look at and imagine what it might taste like.


Friday night is party night, so it's a chance for the girls to wow some of their fans with a nightclub appearence. The audience go wild as Nadine, Cheryl, Kimberley and Sarah appear on stage and run through a short set featuring their greatest hits ending, of course, with the fabulous new single, Something Kinda Ooooh. Nicola will try and join in, but will be turned away by the bouncer for wearing trainers.


It's the last chance to sway the Saturday shoppers so the Girls must swallow their pride and appear on the lowest of all TV shows, T4. Cursing the powers that be for scrapping CD:UK and, to a lesser extent, TotP:Saturday, Nadine, Cheryl, Kimberley and Sarah must sit and smile awkwardly as June and Vernon interview them with all the skill and subtlety of a kitten attacking a ball of wool, only without any inherent entertainment value. Sitting at home Nicola will smile happily to herself about her lack of involvement in that particular escapade, before cursing vocally as her powercard runs out ten minutes into Charmed.