Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

10 Things We State About... 

First Lady of pop and a woman so posh she pays someone else to go to the toilet for her, Sophie Ellis-Bextor is back with Catch You, the sort of pop fabulous tune which we felt sure existed only in our dreams. It's ace, as is she, so to celebrate here are ten entirely true and in no way made-up facts about the rightful heir to the British throne:-
  1. It's well known that Sophie's Mum is Janet Ellis, from out of Blue Peter, but what is less well known is that her dad is Bextor, a hyper-intelligent feline alien from the planet Extron. This explains her slightly unusual features and fondness for burying her feces in a secluded corner of the garden.
  2. Sophie longs for the day that a long running series of shootings takes place in the nightclubs of the United Kingdom so that she can sit back and relax as the royalties role in as Murder on the Dancefloor soundtracks every news bulletin on the event.
  3. She first found fame in indie types Theaudience, a band who avoided spaces between words almost as resolutely as they avoided chart success and a place in the nation's hearts.
  4. Her first track on which she sang solo was Spiller's Groovejet. Call us old fashioned, but we'd prefer any jet that we were flying on not to be piloted by someone who's up to their eyeballs in mindbending, blood boiling drugs. We're not even comfortable about them drinking coffee, frankly.
  5. Catch You was inspired by the time Sophie finally managed to eat a power-pill while playing Pac Man, thus finally allowing her to turn the tables on those pesky ghosts.
  6. The Music Gets the Best of Me. This was not, perhaps, the wisest record deal The Music could have struck, particularly as she hasn't even released a best of yet.
  7. After Theaudience split up, Sophie turned to modelling to help make ends meet. Her most lucrative role was that of "Rhombus" in a secondary school maths textbook.
  8. Ellis Island in New York is no longer a major tourist attraction because of the former immigration centre there, but for the Sophie Theme Park which now takes up most of the space. The Mixed Up World hall of mirrors comes highly recommended.
  9. Sophie owns more dresses than she's had hot dinners. Mind you, she's not had a lot of hot dinners, thus allowing her to fit into all those dresses.
  10. And she's a lot prettier in real life than she looks in photos. Sigh, etc.

Labels: ,