Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Nadine Coyle's Guide to Fashion
BEGORRAH! I'M NADINE COYLE, TO BE SURE. I'M PART FOGHORN, PART ORNAMENTAL TABLE, BUT ALL WOMAN AND I'M HERE TO GIVE YOU SOME FASH... WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DON'T HAVE TO SHOUT? MY VOICE HAS TO BE HEARD ABOVE EVERYONE ELSES 'CAUSE I'M THE BEST AND NO-ONE ELSE IS GOING TO GET A LOOK IN, NOT ON MY WATCH... FINE, I mean, fine. I'll try and tone it down a bit. That better? Good. As I was saying before some eejit rudely interrupted me, I'm officially the best dressed girl in the band, and before you start claiming that this is just me on some sorta ego trip again, this was carried out by a democratic vote of all the girls. Admittedly I did twist each of their arms up their backs before I asked them, but they still all said was the best, so I must be. Sweet mother of Jesus. So, as a style icon to you all, I'm here to give you some fashion tips so you can look almost as good as me. Not as good as, of course, that would be impossible, but it's the best I can offer you... Nicola! Would you stop wriggling around. As soon as I'm finished typing this I'll stop using you as a seat, so the less you disturb me the quicker it'll get done and no, I don't care that your back hurts... Ahem. Here are my tips:-
Join us tomorrow for Sarah Harding's Guide to Men
music girls aloud nadine coyle
- Make sure you only buy from the best shops. I find that this site is great for tops, while this site provides me with a wide range of skirts.
- If you've got it, flaunt it, if you've not got it, don't worry, there are plenty of foundation garments that can help you fake it and if you've got more than enough of it, best keep it covered up, OK?
- Try to show as much flesh as possible, don't worry about the weather outside. Men love a girl with blue skin, especially if they have a bit of a Smurf fetish. If they ask you to wear a white hat and call them Gargamel, just play along.
- Whatever you buy, always make sure you get a size too small. This will give you an incentive to diet, you fat cow.
- Always make sure that you're wearing the shortest skirt in the room. Carry a pair of scissors with you at all times in case you need to make some adjustments to the hemline.
- Keep your essentials covered! At most you should be at risk of flashing only one nipple. You don't want to look like a slut.
- If you try on an outfit and find it both comfortable and easy to walk around in, take it back to the store and demand a refund immediatly.
- If you must wear trousers, make sure that they're skin tight and can only be removed by unpicking the stitching.
- if you don't have a natural tan, make sure you fake it. If you're short of fake tan, I find gravy granuals work as an adequate substitute and also save money on perfume.
- Your top and skirt should always match. If you can't find a skirt to go with your top, simply tear it in half and wear it as both. Simple!
- Your skirt can never be too short, unless you have a problem with being arrested for indecent exposure, that is.
- And finally, don't forget, if you see someone at the club looking a bit hotter than you, it's perfectly acceptable behavior to burn holes in their dress with your cigarette. It's no more than they deserve.
Join us tomorrow for Sarah Harding's Guide to Men
music girls aloud nadine coyle
