Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

10 Things We State About... 

An early appearance for 10 Things... this week, as we have plans for a special feature tomorrow, but we may well decide that we can't be arsed after all, so don't get your hopes up. Anyway, as Billie Piper is back, even if rather than saving pop music, she's taking on the much easier job of saving the world in the new series of Doctor Who, we're proud to present ten entirely true and in no way made up facts about the pop princess who was daft enough to let Chris Evans have her wicked way with her. Why? Because we want to:-
  1. Billie's full name is Billie Paul Piper, proving, if anything, that her parents really wanted a son.
  2. When she turned up for her Doctor Who audition, it was originally thought that she was after a role as one of the plastic mannequins, before they came to life.
  3. Alongside Billie, other famous people from Swindon include Desmond Morris, Melinda Messenger and Supertramp, meaning that she is the only person from the town who has ever possessed an ounce of talent.
  4. Despite what some tabloid newspapers have claimed, she was never invited by Michael Jackson to spend time in the Neverland Ranch. Indeed, to combat these accusations, Jackson released a single about it, declaring that "Billie Piper is not my lover".
  5. Something Deep Inside, her September 2000 hit, definitely wasn't about sex. Oh no.
  6. And neither was Honey to the Bee, come to think of it. Definitely not.
  7. Billie's pop career came to an abrupt end after she was served with an anti-social behaviour order following complaints from her neighbours regarding her behaviour. The reasons given included playing her song so loud, dancing all night, using foul language which she excused as saying what was on her mind, and, when confronted about it, refusing to listen to her neighbours views, saying that she would carry on doing it "Because she wanted to".
  8. To avoid paying royalties to Dire Straits, when she covered Walk of Life she completely changed the tune, lyrics and beat, tricking their lawyers into believing it was an entirely different song
  9. She nearly saved a man from drowning by putting her own life at risk to fight against the current and pull him to safety, but just as she was about to dive in she heard a little voice say "Billie, don't be a hero", and she decided to go off on her way, whistling a jaunty tune to herself and forgetting all about the young gentleman's struggle against the rising water.
  10. Billie is actually bloody good in Doctor Who.