Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

10 Things We State About... 

Ever since the days when she went into hospital for a knee operation and came out again with bigger boobs, the world has been interested in the medical condition of Miss Britney Spears, but since that storm in a C cup passed, there wasn't much to capture the public's imagination. That was until recently when speculation began to grow about whether she was a) pregnant, or b) had just put on a few pounds. Either way, the story was newsworthy, but it has finally been confirmed that, yes, Britney is up the duff. And by that we mean with baby, not involved in some sort of lesbiotic affair with our own favourite pop-rock princess, Hilary. Anyway, to celebrate the fact that Britney will soon be giving up her schoolgirl uniform for flowery maternity dresses, here are 10 entirely true and in no way made up facts about the girl who puts the Pro into Overprotected and the fear of god into Christina Aguilera:-
  1. Britney was still a virgin on the day she got married. Definitely.
  2. Britney first hit the public eye when she co-hosted ITV's Disney Club alongside Andrea Boardman.
  3. Her main aim in life is to persuade everyone to join CND, become a vegetarian, grow their hair long, wear beads and floaty skirts, and have a somewhat lax attitude towards personal hygiene. She was, after all, born to make you hippy.
  4. Her recent hit, Toxic, was inspired by her fondness for a team captain on the annoyingly smug quiz show Call My Bluff.
  5. She and her husband, Kevin, are looking forward to the baby being born, mainly so that her dog is no longer the only intelligent creature in their household.
  6. When she was in Las Vegas, not only did she suffer the embarrassment of ending up in her short lived first marriage, but she also had even more humiliation heaped upon her when it was discovered that she went to see Celine Dion's show.
  7. American educational establishments tend not to culminate in a song and dance routine at the end of the school day. Canadian ones, on the other hand, do.
  8. Other artists who have famously worn school uniform include Angus Young from AC/DC, Sonya Aurora Madden from Echobelly, Girls Aloud at G-A-Y and Michael Jackson in the privacy of his own home for a private audience.
  9. Crossroads would have swept the board at the Oscars, were it not for a clerical error which meant that it was excluded for being "a bit shit".
  10. She should never have worked with Madonna.