Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Some Things, Kinda New
It's January 2007! So it's now, once again, officially the future, which means that this post should be appearing in 3D holographic letters while giant CGI cubes rotate and dance around your sphere of vision. If this is not happening you may need to upgrade your browser.
As always at this time of year, we've peered into our crystal ball and, as well as learning that the future contains lots of bits of polystyrene that purport to be snow, we've also got the following things to look forward to:-
As always at this time of year, we've peered into our crystal ball and, as well as learning that the future contains lots of bits of polystyrene that purport to be snow, we've also got the following things to look forward to:-
- Continuing her attempt to be more like Paris Hilton, Britney Spears starts attracting high class business men who are willing to pay top whack to enter her lobby.
- New chart rules to allow download sales to count whether or not a physical product exists are expanded so that hearing, whistling, or even thinking about a song counts towards the final total.
- Nelly Furtado to treat herself to a 'desginer vagina', release new CD entitled Tight.
- Both Lily Allen and McFly to grow out of it.
- Pop music to continue to get better, sell less.
- People having showers continue to get wetter, smell less.
- Kylie Minogue is forced to prove her bravery in fields other than 'Not dying of cancer' and finds herself spending the summer taking on such dangerous and frightening activities as wing walking, swimming with sharks and sitting through an entire Jamie Cullum concert without cutting off her own ears and plucking out her eyeballs.
- Girls Aloud continue to effortlessly be the greatest pop band the world has ever seen.
- Nicola continues to effortlessly be the greatest pop star the world has ever seen. If only because the other girls continue to stop her putting in any effort whatsoever, no matter how much she might try.
- Cashing in on the recent Take That revival, Robbie Williams decides to reform Robbie Williams. Or at least chuck out another greatest hits in a desperate bid to recoup.
- Leona breaks America. Which really upset her as it was her favourite Razorlight single and she really didn't mean to drop it on the floor.
- Ray breaks a cup. And later his legs, as the British public finally get hold of him.
- We lose Eurovision. This isn't so much a prediction, more a statement of the obvious.
- The Horrors to get bored with playing at being rock stars and get jobs in the city, just like their mummy and daddy want.
- Billie to use the success of Doctor Who to relaunch her pop career. If there's any justice in the world, that is.
- Corrine Bailey Rae to be investigated by the police after an entire audience at one of her gigs is literally bored to death.
- Rachel Stevens to carry on doing what she does and if anyone else likes it, or is even vaguely aware of her existence, that's a bonus.
- Pink to carry on being vaguely angry about stuff, even if she can't quite put her finger on what it is she's angry about.
- 5ive to keep reforming on a regular basis until someone actually gives a shit.
- Westlife to do something jaw-droppingly exciting that they've never before attempted in their career; standing up before the key change.
- Diana Memorial Concert proves to be the most godawfully embarrassing musical event the world has ever seen. World proves to be not exactly surprised by this turn of events.
