So, we went to see
Charlotte Church play live a couple of weeks ago. It's probably a bit too late now to give it a proper review - though suffice to say she was ace and even included a costume change, although given that it involved her changing from a great looking 'rock chick' outfit of skintight jeans, boots and a sequined rolling stones tee into a kimono and baggy pants combo which served mainly to make her look like she'd got a bit tired and had decided to get ready for bed a bit early - so instead here are ten entirely true and in no way made up facts about the wicked Welsh wonder:-
- Charlotte may claim to love it when you say her name, but when we tested this theory by phoning her every five minutes, saying "Charlotte" down the phone before hanging up, she reacted in a very angry manner indeed, which culminated in her telling us to "Fuck off" at 5 in the morning, before threatening to set her boyfriend on us.
- Charlotte has met some of the world's most powerful and influential people. From the old Pope, via a couple of presidents, all the way to Paul O'Grady and Cilla Black, she's communed with them all, and always looked disappointed when they turned down her offer of going out for a few jars afterwards.
- She won the Rear of the Year award shortly after celebrating her 16th birthday. This meant that the judges had spent most of their time appraising the merits of a 15yo girl's arse. Despite this, not one of them was arrested and put on the sex offenders register. No wonder Gary Glitter's pissed.
- Even God Can't Change the Past, she reckons. This presumably means that Marty McFly, who's changed the past on umpteen occasions, is more powerful than God. This seems fair.
- A skilled musician can make beautiful music from Charlotte's spleen, kidneys and heart. Of course, not everyone has the patience required to play a Church Organ.
- Crazy Chick was written after Charlotte spent some time on an a farm belonging to an ex-member of Blazin' Squad and became quite enamoured with his poultry collection.
- Cheeky Vimto is made by mixing port with blue WKD, adding in some nitroglycerine, closing your eyes and hoping for the best.
- If you didn't make it to a Charlotte Church concert, don't bother going to a Catholic Church concert and hoping it'll be just as good. It'll likely involve slightly less Gloria Estefan covers and a lot more latin. Both end with the front person, be they priest or Charlotte, enthusiastically storming their way through Crazy Chick
- Her back catalogue isn't worth investigating. Not unless you are actually a granny, still annoyed that your grandchildren are now grandadults.
- Moodswings really is ace, you know. Really, really ace.
music charlotte church
