Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

10 Things We State About... 

Take That are back! For good! Well, for 90 minutes, including adverts, at any rate. Yes, tonight ITV1 is broadcasting Take That... For The Record, a reunion of sorts - Robbie's there on screen, but his 'there' happens to be LA, as opposed to the cold, wet and rainy British 'there' which Mark, Jason, Gary and The Other One have to contend with on a daily basis - to allow them to look back over their career and cover what's happened since - in short, unless you're Robbie, not a lot - and should hopefully include both happy memories and some serious bitching. If not, we'll be demanding a refund on our license fee, regardless of the fact that this programme has nothing to do with the BBC. Anyway, to commemorate this momentous televisual event, we proudly present ten entirely true and in no way made up facts about the best boy band of all time, ever (Phixx at the time of Hold on Me notwithstanding):-
  1. The jelly-tastic video for Do What You Like is something that not a single member looks back upon with a sense of shame and humiliation.
  2. As well as dancing and singing, Gary Barlow was also the songwriter in the band. The idea of boy bands having a member who actually writes the song has now gone the way of other modern day anachronisms such as outdoor toilets, witchfinders and Lisa Scott-Lee.
  3. After hearing Back for Good, environmental health officers immediately rushed to shut down the greasy spoon cafe the band ran as part of a convoluted tax dodge. A number of cosmetic stained mugs were later used as evidence against them.
  4. Howard Donald has two first names! Much to the chagrin of his brother, Smith Jones.
  5. Take That are great people to ask for directions home, as not only are they charm personified and always happy to help out a lost soul, they also never forget where you're coming from.
  6. Mark Owen once saw a pigeon the size of his own head. It was a very small pigeon.
  7. It only takes a minute, reckoned the boys, to fall in love. Other things which take a minute include fast forwarding through Lulu's bits on Relight My Fire, listening to the only tolerable parts of Gary's solo career and for anyone with even half a heart to shed a tear upon hearing their cover of How Deep is your Love.
  8. Jason Orange, of course, has the same name as a fruit: The Granny Jason apple.
  9. When they split up, a special phone line was set up so that distraught fans could speak to trained counselor's. When Westlife split up, plans are afoot to set up a special hotline to Threshers, so that music fans all around the country can instantly order vast quantities of champagne to celebrate that glorious news.
  10. Whatever we did, whatever we said, we didn't mean it. We just want them back for good.