Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Thursday, January 19, 2006

10 Things We State About... 

Despite the fact that for many years it seemed about as likely as Hell's weather forecaster recommending the wearing of mittens or Christina Aguilera wearing anything that could be described as a complete outfit, it seems that the Spice Girls reunion will definitely be happening. At some point. Perhaps. But still, such vague speculation is enough for us to start camping outside our nearest ticket venue in trembling anticipation, even if the trembling can be ascribed as much to the cold damp nights as to our excitement. Anyway, to celebrate, here are ten entirely true and in no way made up facts about our five favourite females (old school version):-
  1. Geri Halliwell's fondness for hanging around George Michael's bins came to an abrupt end when she accidentally stumbled upon a horrific discovery: demo tapes for his next album.
  2. The reunion tour will open with five glitter cannons blasting out vast quantities of tumeric, thyme, paprika, cardamom and cinnamon into the audience, so as to literally spice up their live.
  3. Emma Bunton got so fed up with her 'Baby Spice' tag that in 1999 she resolved to finally become toilet trained and has now reached the Huggies Pull-Up stage in her development.
  4. Too Much was written after Geri asked to be paid for her involvement in their Walkers' promotion entirely in crisps, which she promptly gobbled up, despite the other girls protestations that the potato based mountain in front of her was just too much.
  5. Victoria Beckham has never read a book. And, despite having released an autobiography, she's never written one either.
  6. Spice World was a cinematic tour de force on a par with the Godfather: Part 2, Apocalypse Now and S Club: Seeing Double.
  7. After the Spice Girls fell apart and the less than impressive success of her solo career, Mel C has recently taken to making ends meet by moonlighting with Goldie Lookin Chain
  8. Girl Power proved to be such a potent force that even today Scientists still argue over whether it could be an alternative to nuclear power while conducting experiments involving Mariah Carey and a hamster wheel.
  9. In her prime Mel B was so scary that every Spice Girls video automatically had an 18 certificate slapped upon it.
  10. We want them back. And we don't care if that sounds wack.