Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

10 Things We State About... 

Eminem is currently riding high at number one in the album charts for the second week running with his Greatest Hits. It stormed straight to the top in its first week of release, despite the fact it was only on sale for a couple of days. Admittedly those couple of days included a Saturday in the not exactly uncommercial Christmas shopping period, but still, it's a pretty impressive feat. To celebrate here are ten entirely true and in no way made up facts about the nation's favourite misogynistic and homophobic rapper:-
  1. Marshall Mathers acquired the nickname 'Eminem' due to his fondness of turning up to MC battles dressed as a crispy shelled chocolate sweet. Normally a red one.
  2. Dido can thank Eminem for making her career a success, the rest of us can blame him. Then tar and feather him, force him into a car crusher, then a bacon slicer, before setting fire to the bits and feeding them to a lion.
  3. All of D12's record sales came off the back of their own talent and ability and definitely not because Eminem would occasionally wander into their studio and cough into a microphone.
  4. Despite his lyrics, Eminem has never actually murdered anyone or, indeed, even threatened anyone with violence. In fact, the closest he's ever come was arriving home once after a hard day of blonde haired swearing and saying "God, I could really murder a good Chardonnay right now", before loosening his cravat in a vaguely agressive manner.
  5. Whenever he finds it hard to come up with inspiration for his rhymes, Eminem wanders down to the nearest schoolyard and notes down what the kids are saying. These are then carefully edited to make sure they're not obviously more mature than his own output.
  6. Despite all the help and credibility that he gave him, Eminem once commited a cardinal sin and forgot to buy Dr Dre a present for his birthday. Naturally Dre was upset about this, but he remembered the advice of his psychologist and channeled the negative energy into a more positive, creative outlet, and wrote a song about the experience. Alas, That Bastard Marshall Never Bought me the Scalextric Set I Wanted was not a hit.
  7. Top linguists have gotten together and have reached the conclusion that "You make my pee-pee go b-doing-doing-doing", from Ass Like That, really is the worst lyric ever recorded.
  8. Though the self-pitying whine of Mockingbird came pretty close.
  9. Cleaning Out My Closet was written as a way of helping Eminem cope with the sadness and frustration caused when he realised that he couldn't enter the kingdom of Narnia through the back of his wardrobe.
  10. He has done some cracking singles though, when you think about it.