Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

10 Things We State About... 

It's irritating, pointless and seemingly inescapable, if it gets to number one this week, it'll be very depressing for the whole concept of modern pop, the vocals are so annoying that they'll have you switching off in disgust, while anyone that buys it is essentially telling the world that they hate music and it's hard to see why it appeals to anyone who's not a certain age, especially given that the frontman is hideously ugly and has a habit of wandering around with his malformed genitalia on display. But enough about the new Coldplay single, it seems far more likely that The Crazy Frog will be riding high in both the charts and on his non existent motorcycle come 7PM Sunday. Of course, this isn't particularly good news either, what with the people behind the Crazy Frog clearly being cunts, but it will be quite funny, and that's got to count for something. To celebrate, here are ten entirely true and in no way made up facts about the most irritating advertising creation since the KFC's singing people:-
  1. The UK's economy is now entirely funded by the ringtone industry. The income from the Crazy Frog tone alone is expected to solve our pensions crisis.
  2. The Advertising Standards Authority have received thousands of complaints about the advert, generally from viewers angry that it's just not shown on TV often enough for them to get the full enjoyment out of it.
  3. The Frog's inventor came up with the idea after hitting rock bottom and wondering what was the best way to lash out bitterly at the society that had rejected him.
  4. In the Queen's Speech, it was announced that the Government plans to bring in emergency legislation allowing you to give anyone whose phone plays the tune "a bit of a slap".
  5. It's only the limited amount of pocket money that kids get that prevents Jamster from owning the majority of the world's wealth.
  6. Other designs considered before the Crazy Frog was decided upon included the Insane Gerbil, the Mad Mongoose and the Just Working Through Some Personal Problems Polecat.
  7. No matter how bad this song may be, it's still better than anything Atomic Kitten did after Jenny Frost joined the band.
  8. And it's a bit more sexually attractive, too.
  9. If you've bought this record, you may wish to think about killing yourself as you clearly have nothing to offer society.
  10. And Tweety the Chick can fuck right off as well.