Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Friday, August 04, 2006

10 Things We State About... 

We're off to see Cerys Matthews tonight, something we're ridiculously excited about, so, to celebrate this in our usual hip to hip, cutting edge fashion, here's ten entirely true and in no way made up facts about Catatonia:-
  1. Everyday, when they wake up, they thank the Lord they're Welsh. The author of Trainspotting, Porno, and other sweary novels does much the same thing.
  2. The members of Catatonia who weren't Cerys were Jones the Guitar, Jones the Bass, Jones the Drums, Jones the Back-Up Guitarist and Alex Wright, the Occasional Session Keyboardist.
  3. Even today, Cerys still receives phonecalls from people claiming to have found her lost cat.
  4. Her unique sense of style came as a result of her fondness for shopping in charity shops while drunk.
  5. Cerys Matthews is a not exactly unattractive woman, and many of her young male fans would create their own strange glue, just thinking about her and their hope that one day she might star in a movie that's way beyond blue.
  6. Dead From The Waist Down caused a great deal of controversy amongst the Legless Zombie community, with many demanding "Brains" in recompense. And, indeed, in general.
  7. Events regarding a young woman's lovelife in the Cardiff area are, in actual fact, outside of the FBI's jurisdiction.
  8. You've Got a Lot To Answer For was written after Cerys' appearance on ITV's short-lived 24 Hour Quiz.
  9. The other members of Catatonia have been making ends meet by operating a gravel laying service. Uniquely they offer to fill up your driveway stone by stone. They charge by the hour and are largely unpopular.
  10. We love Cerys almost as much as we love Nicola. Almost.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Fashion, Don't You Know 

Madonna is currently entertaining the rich, the corporate sponsors, and those who feel they can quite happily live with only one kidney as her latest, remarkably overpriced, tour hits the UK. Madonna is something of a style icon, in the sense that she dresses like no-one else ever does or, indeed, would want to. But just in case you are that way inclined, our intrepid Fashion Correspondent Laura managed to persuade the lady herself to give a few words on just how she achieved the, ahem, interesting look she pulled off at this year's Grammy awards.

Hello fashion fans! It's Madonna here, and I'm going to teach you all how to give yourself a TOTALLY NEW wardrobe with little more than a pair of scissors and a variety of bits and bobs that I got my assistant to purchase for me in my local Harrods! Now, I know what you're all thinking. Why would I, the amazing Madge, star of such blockbuster hits as Swept Away, the amazingly unpretentious Evita, not to mention my back catalogue of mega pop hits (you loved American Life and you know it) need to budget? Well chaps, the truth is that in between throwing myself off of horses and prancing around glitter balls, I find myself a little bored., so what better way to kill time than to make myself even more glamorous than usual?

I don't know how many of you mere mortals have heard of the Grammy awards, but they are quite important in the US of A. But as I am now a fully-fledged British laydee, I obviously don't find them as vital any more. This is why I decided to create my own outfit for the night, and you know what? I looked better than everyone else there. Take that Mariah, you fat bitch! You might be able to sing a little HIGHER than me, but can you make your own clothes? No? HA!

Anyway, back on track, I thought I'd explain to you all how Hung Up means more than just a bit of shimmying and fannying around on the tube with a radio. I decided to take the line "Time goes by so slowly" to a whole NEW LEVEL, and revived my style for the single to some time between 1979 and 1985, thus proving that time has indeed, gone by slowly. More than just a hat stand fellas!

Now, you might be thinking "Hold on Madonna, just WHERE do you get the inspiration for such amazing outfits?" Well, let me tell you how - it's my beautiful daughter Lauren, or Louise, whatever her name is. I went to see her at her gymnastics class, and the muse struck me! What could be cooler than a purple studded leotard? One with a CORSET BELT of course!

As I'm in a revolutionary mood, I've decided Kablahblah could do with a kick up the arse. Red string is so last year. As you can see, it's all about purple tassels this season, so all you fashion sistas out there get down to your local haberdashery pronto!

The final touches to my outfit consisted of dunking some porn star platforms into a vat of PVA glue, and then sprinkling glitter on top (watch that you let them dry first though, I'm still having trouble trying to prise my left shoe off), followed scalping Farrah Fawcett. And that is all there is to it!

Right, now that's all done, I'm off to go sweep some chim-chim-en-eys, and maybe drop in at Buckingham Place to say hi to Liz and have some tea and crumpets, because that's what you British people do, isn't it? Wonderful! Cya later fashion fans!

Madonna x

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Holiday. Ish. 

Right, the Fringe kicks off today which, as long term readers of the site may now, means that things are going to get a bit slapdash around here - well, more slapdash - as we try and see as many shows as is humanely possible in the space of three and a half weeks. Unfortunately this won't leave much time for 'hilarious' pop commentary so, despite our best efforts, the site is unlikely to be updated as often as we might like. Sorry!

Don't worry though, by September the infrequent updates will come to an end, everything will be back to normal - with the possible exception of our bank balance - and we'll be back with a whole host of new ideas and features, most of which will splutter outafter a couple of weeks, but never mind. Until then, we apologise for any breaks in transmission which may - i.e. will - occur.

Free Launch 

Right, we've got some free stuff for you. No, don't thank us yet, you've not listened to them yet.

First up is Karen Louise.

She's apparently the 'Girl next Door' type, though it's safe to say that the girl next door to us isn't quite as keen to be photographed in a chest avoiding dressing gown. Believe us, we've asked.

Anyway, she's got a single coming out soon called Lost in You and, if you sign up to the Secret Society at her website not only will you recieve the unwanted attentions of a government official, demanding to know exactly who Karen Louise is and what threat she poses to the general security to the country, you'll also be able to grab a free download of another track, Fairytale Lies.

She's supported Lemar and is about to go on tour with Journey South. It's not all bad, though, as she's apparently supported Girls Aloud as well. We reckon that she's got quite a lucrative career ahead of her filling in the gaps on Chick Flick soundtracks. Indeed, the free download, Fairytale Lies, is exactly the sort of sng you'd expect to turn up half way through Act 2 in a Hilary Duff movie, just at the point where the boy has left the Duff in the lurch, having not yet realised that they're a perfect match. Don't worry, it'll all work out in the end for her, though.

If, on the other hand, you're looking something with a bit more balls, a bit more guitars, a bit more energy and, indeed, a bit more like a Happy Shopper Muse, then you coudl do worse than check out Cord.

They probably need to get someone in to sort out the electrics.

They too have a singles club - this is clearly the current 'big' idea - and if you sign up you can download I'm Leaving You which, if you ignore the fact that Matt Bellamy and friends does that sorta thing a bit better, is all rather jolly. Well, not jolly, we doubt they could do jolly if they tried, but you get the general idea.

So, there you go. Two tracks for you to download and ponder over. Don't say we're not good to you. If only because the truth hurts.