Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Friday, December 15, 2006

Fashion, Don't You Know 

Despite the fact that they manage to get worse and worse with every release, finding new nadirs of pop that we never even knew existed, McFly remain unquestionably - and ununderstandably - popular with you, 'the kids'. You're all very, very wrong, but never let it be said that we at Talent in a Previous Life, don't listen to our readership, well, you can, but we won't be listening when you say it, as our Fashion Correspondent Laura went out to persuade the boys to give us a few tips to achieving their look:-

How To Dress Like Commoners By Sir Harry of McFly


Well hello all you crazy fashion following people! It's Harry here, from McFly. One is here today to talk to you all about the inadequate and quite frankly ridiculous styling that goes on behind the scenes here at McFly HQ. To demonstrate, I've chosen this particular photo from our last video, the vastly overrated Cosmic Woman or something preposterous like that. I'm the drummer you see, so I'm given minimal creative input to the band's 'musical' output, and so therefore do not need to know the names for any of the songs we record. Actually, if you listen carefully, you'll notice that the drum beat on every single McFly song is exactly the same! And now, chaps, you know why!

Onwards to the reason why we are all here. The Fashion. I'm not entirely sure what this video was about - I was substituted with a carboard cut out of myself as I had a very important dinner date with Prince Harry. He was giving one tips on where to get the best Nazi uniforms. I'm trying to convince the band that our Christmas single should have a big Nazi Germany theme in the hope that the public uproar that would follow the shoot would force us to disband so I could move to L.A. and look after my darling princess Lindsay Lohan. She is in rehab again so I hear :( I believe that she ended up there because she missed me so much, but her PR assured me otherwise. I think she thought I was one of those papparazzi fellows.

Anyway, the video. No one knows what's going on. Daniel is going through a very bizarre phase at the moment whereby he will lock himself in the bathroom/tour bus/my bedroom for hours on end and listen to the new Razorlight album on repeat. His obsession with them is quite worrying to be honest. One of the band announced that "hair straightners were so 2004", and Daniel promptly binned his with hilarious consequences - no one knew he was the proud owner of an afro. So yes, he is styling himself on the 'kooky' Jonny Borrell, pretentious cunt that he is. You will note the total absence of any scientific equipment on his persona - Daniel assured the director that if he was made to wear anything Jonny-boy didn't wear, he would put the Razorlight album on for everyone to hear. Ho ho ho!

Thomas. Thomas has always been the 'nerd' of the musical group, and will happily write all of our songs and then share the royalties with us all, for fear that Douglas will 'wedgie' him. (Note to self: find out from butler what this 'wedgie' is.) He turned up late to the video recording because he was busy valeting my automobile and grooming my racehorses. As a result, he had no time to change, and was forced to film in the clothes he was wearing - his girlfriend's skinny jeans, and his NASA Space Camp t-shirt that he won aged nine in a competition from 'Which Spaceship?' magazine. He had to write a poem, and his, entitled 'Star Girl' was given the prestigious 'Highly Commended' award, and was said to be 'an excellent effort for a six year old!'. One can only assume they got his age wrong. I wonder whatever became of that poem, I bet it embarasses him now!

Douglas is the try hard member of the group. When he is not sullenly swearing at fans and telling them to "**** the **** off of my ******* *** you ****** *****", he is trying to convince the others that he is a crazy kind of guy! This is why he always pulls strange faces in photos. Either that, or the poor chap has terrible constipation. Mind you, that would also explain his bizarre fixation with excrement...but that story is for another TiaPL slash/horror story! His jumpsuit may be a political statement about Guantanamo Bay, but on the other hand, he may just have been watching Ghost Busters again at the weekend. As for the vaccuum cleaner duct taped to his groin...I don't think anyone really knew what it was doing there, or even dared to question it. We all know what Douglas' bad temper is like! He put three fans in hospital after they asked for his autograph when he was out in Camden or some rock and roll part of the country. Those poor eight year old girls never saw those bricks coming...

My time has come fashion lovers! I must leave you as I have an awful number of letters to write to Miss. Lohan again. I finally got one back from her last week, although its content (a restraining order) was less than spiffing. She shall come to her senses eventually, I'm certain!


Harry x