Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Friday, November 03, 2006

Fashion, Don't You Know 

If the charts are anything to go by Emo, as we suggested last week, isthe new Pop. Here at Talent in a Previous Life we're never afraid to jump on any passing bandwagon in a desperate search for readers celebrate and appreciate any new trends that may happen so Laura, our intrepid Fashion Correspondent went out and about to persuade Brendan Urie of Panic! At the Disco 'fame' to write a few words on how you can achieve the emo look. Here's what she got:-


HELLO everyone out there.

It's Brendan Urie here. Yes you do. Reading Festival 2006? The bottle? The overdramatic reaction? SEE! you do know me. I'm the lead singer of the wonderfully amusing band PANIC! at the Disco. We got our name after a hilarious incident which was based solely around me, myself and I, a disco ('mais non!' I hear you cry!), and the panic attack I suffered after my poor ego took a bashing after some girl talked to one of my other band mates instead of me (she was a fat bitch anyway) which everyone found really funny. I suppose me collapsing and blacking out, breaking my arm as I fell is actually quite funny if you're someone else, as long as I'm the centre of attention, I don't really care what happens to me! TAKE YOUR BEST SHOT!

Anyway fashion fans, I'm here today to tell you all how this totally self-important, totally cunty attitude can help YOU become the star of the show. We shall start this with an important lesson – your band mates do not need names. Simply refer to them as fags and emo s and we're laughing! Although technically, as we are a SERIOUS BAND with real EMOTIONAL PAIN behind our songs, we do not laugh. We stare in a serious manner. And pout.

The second way to push yourself towards infamity is to carry out all of your band's press single handedly. This means you must do all the interviews, personal appearances, etc alone, and don't ever mention the other emo fags. In fact, I always find it helpful to look confused and to pout slightly whenever someone says 'What about the other three guys?' As far as you are concerned, THERE ARE NO OTHER GUYS.

Now, for legal reasons which I'm yet to fully understand, the other band members APPARENTLY 'need' to be present in press shots. I don't know why, I think it's totally ridiculous personally, and you know, as I'm really the only cog in the PANIC! At the Brendon-Urie-Disco machine, my word should be law. But until my lawyers find out what's behind that particular loophole, I HAVE to let them have some camera time, so I'm going to give you some tips on how to make yourself look ace, and make the other faggy emo's fade into the background. Quite literally!

As you can see, the picture above is from the cover of a certain music magazine, which I won't name because:-
  1. You can all see what it's called.
  2. I'm not sure if I am allowed to name it, due to endorsement and shit.
Well, I demanded to be allowed to do the fashion and styling for this shoot, and threatened to make the next album even more random and incomprehensible than the debut if they didn't let me do it. Ha! Like I won't do that ANYWAY!

So, this was post Reading, and as my EMOTIONALLY GRIPPING, HEART BREAKING STORY about the bottle had hit many a headline (as it rightfully should!), I decided to echo this sentiment on Emo Fag #1. This is the only plausible reason as to why he has a faux black eye. Emo Fag #2 to the right of me I styled on Gerrad Way. This is why he looks exactly like him, just without the bleach blonde mess. I thought if people see the cover and see ME and G on the front, they will be overcome with emotion at the sheer amount of emotionally heartbreaking quotes inside from the pair of us, and buy the magazine. Or my…sorry, OUR album. Or at least start coming up with lots of exciting Emo Slash for me to read on the internet. Which I definitely don't do. As for the other guy, I just gave him a hat and told him to stare at the floor until spoken to. Sadly, when the picture was taken, someone in the dressing room yelled 'YOU'RE A CUNT!', and he naturally assumed someone was talking to him. He insists they were shouting 'URIE'S A CUNT!' but I told him if he said that again, I would fire him and no one would realise because he has NO FANS. He shut up.

Anyway Brendon fans, I have to dash. We re-released our debut single in the UK this week for what seems like the thirtieth time, but is apparently only the second, and I have to do some more SOLO PROMO because that is the price one must pay to be amazing. It brings a tear to the eye doesn't it?

Brendon xxx