Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

10 Things We State About... 

Former Sk8r Girl Avril Lavigne is back! And, along with the tomboy look, she's also ditched the sulkpop of previous albums and has returned with a full on blast of bubblegum, shouty, Toni Basil-iant piece of pop genius - and the word 'genius' is certainly not one we bandy about so often that we've rendered it entirely meaningless - in the shape of Girlfriend How fantastic! To celebrate here are ten entirely true and in no way made up facts about pop's moodiest little madam:-
  1. Obsessed by tubers from a young age, Avril once spent an enjoyable summer carving a model man entirely from mashed tatties. This was immortalised in her early hit, Pot8er Boi.
  2. Like Alanis Morrisette, Mike Myers and an overwhelming sense of moral and social superiority over your neighbours, Avril Lavigne is Canadian.
  3. Despite her claims that her new found feminine image and current fondness for skirts is entirely down to her, in actual fact it's a result of Avril's mum finally putting her foot down and demanding that she start "dressing like a young lady" as she's "embarrassed being seen out with her dressed like that".
  4. Avril's hair is now so straight that she donates large chunks of it to impoverished schools in the third world so that, despite lacking many pieces of essential equipment, they do at least have access to a ruler substitute.
  5. Despite her fame, Avril found that her sulky teen image led people to treat her with a lack of respect and disdain, a treatment which was entirely out of sync with her celebrity and influence. Even doormen at top hotels would refuse to do their duty for her, happily letting the doors slam back and hit her on her arse. It was this experience that led her both to write He Wasn't and stop entering top hotels shouting the phrase "I can buy you, eh" at all members of staff while simultaneous giving them the finger.
  6. Avril's Happy Ending turned out to be getting married to Derek Whibley from out of Sum 41. Prior to this Fat Lip was the best thing that he'd ever done.
  7. It's not only her boyfriend that Avril considers to be Complicated, she also has problems with Rubik Cubes, translating the London Underground map into real world situations and doors marked with the legend 'Pull'.
  8. Dyslexic fans often find themselves disappointed when they turn up at Italian restaurants expecting to see a gig from their favourite popstar, only to find out that the only thing on offer is actually lasagne.
  9. She's so tiny that, rather than going to the expense of hiring a private jet, Avril flies to every gig on the back of a friendly bumble bee and her rider consists of nothing more than a thimblefull of milk and a handful of cake crumbs.
  10. Seriously, Girlfriend is all kinds of aceness. Go buy, go buy!

Labels: ,