Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

10 Things We State About... 

Last night Girls Aloud launched their first ever national tour in the ever so glamorous location of Rhyl. We're going to see them when they hit Glasgow next Friday, and will likely be offering an over-excited review of the event on the Saturday, though no doubt it won't exactly be the best piece of journalism in the world and will more than likely be along the lines of "OMFG!!!! That woz SO cool!!!11!!!1! Nicola woz dead hot ;):)!!!", which would at least be of slightly higher quality than the majority of what we post here. We warn you of this in advance as, like us, you may be doing your very best to try and avoid reading any reviews, previews or anything of that nature before the gig itself. We're doing this partly because we're expecting big, exciting things from the show and don't want to spoil any of the surprises, but mainly because if we're going to be disappointed by Some Kind of Miracle not being on the setlist, we'd rather be disappointed on the night, rather than a week or so in advance. Anyway, to celebrate the start of what will likely be the bestest tour of all time, here are 10 entirely true and in no way made up facts about the quintet of quality, Girls Aloud:-
  1. The formation of Girls Aloud marked the only occasion in history that the public have been given the chance to vote for something and have actually got it right.
  2. Nadine has absolutely no ambitions whatsoever to be a solo singer in her own right.
  3. One member of the band used to be a man.
  4. Before auditioning for Popstars, Sarah worked as an Agony Aunt for her local newspaper. She was sacked after suggesting that a woman should stay in a violent and abusive relationship, telling a girl who gave a taxi driver a blow job in lieu of a fare, "What a great idea!", and suggesting to a guy who was in love with his best friend that he wait until his upcoming wedding to tell him how he felt as "It'd be a bit of a laugh and would give everyone something to talk about over the meal". It was this, and other examples of no good advice that she gave, that inspired one of the band's massive hit singles, Life Got Cold.
  5. Things that freak Girls Aloud out: Hallowe'en, fish, One True Voice, Louis Walsh, the thought that One True Voice might try and relaunch with Louis Walsh as a member, spiders, Michael Winner's rubbery face, hospitals, unexpected visitors in the middle of the night and the Andrex puppy.
  6. Kimberly has a trampoline in her back garden, and all prospective suitors have to recite her a love poem while bouncing up and down on it before she'll even think about giving them her kisses in the night.
  7. I'll Stand By You really was their best single. Definitely.
  8. An attempt has been made by the ACME Rubber Doll company to market Girls Aloud Love Machines for the discerning gentleman, although as yet these plans have fallen through for reasons involving both copyright and taste.
  9. To add character to the Sound of the Underground single, it was planned to drill a hole deep down into the earth's crust, lower a microphone and use what was picked up as a background to the track. This plan was swiftly abandoned, however, when the microphone was lowered and all that they heard was the sound of a million damned souls, screaming in eternal agony. Instead they decided to release that recording as the One True Voice single.
  10. If pushed, we'd probably just lean towards picking Nicola as our favourite, but we're not that fussed, really.