Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

10 Things We State About... 

It's Burns Night here in Scotland and, in celebration of one of Britain's greatest creative talents, people all over the country looking forward to sitting down in front of a heaving, bulging, fleshy bag, before piercing it with a knife and watching as a slightly unpleasant looking substance spills out. But enough about Pete Burns' lips, as it's also a night to reflect on the talents of Rabbie Burns, a celebrated Scottish poet. To commemorate this, here are ten entirely true and in no way made up facts about Scottish Pop:-
  1. Lemonescent's mini-kilts are currently on display in the National Museum of Scotland. But only because the girls still insist on wearing them while carrying out their duties as cleaning ladies.
  2. Sheena Easton is always quick to correct anyone who describes her nationality as 'Scotch'. Only whisky and eggs can be Scotch. Sheena, of course, is American.
  3. If you can't understand what a Scottish singer is going on about, then there's a good chance they'll be either Gaelic, drunk, or Gaelic and drunk.
  4. Where the Queen would normally be pictured, The Proclaimers feature on Scottish currency.
  5. Travis are probably our greatest musical export. Unfortunately the rest of the world keeps sending them back to us.
  6. Whenever Primal Scream's Bobby Gillespie says 'Yes' in the Scots dialect, he always follows it up with a Nazi salute, giving him Swastika Aye's.
  7. Texas are so proud of being Scottish that they always have a copy of the Daily Record on their rider. The fact that it's the only paper which consistently gives them good publicity no matter how awful their material is, for no better reason than the fact they're Scottish, is entirely coincidental.
  8. When the Queen isn't in residence, the non-arrested members of The Bay City Rollers stay in Holyrood Palace. When she wants to stay they move into Edinburgh Castle instead.
  9. When a Scottish band decides to include bagpipes on their record, it's a shorthand for saying "We've completely run out of ideas".
  10. Ballboy are really rather good.