Wednesday, March 15, 2006
The Commonwealth Games - basically the Olympics, only more dull and irrelevant, but involving netball - start today in Melbourne, Australia. To celebrate this entirely pointless event, here are ten entirely true and in no way made up facts about Australia:-
- Kylie Minogue is the official head of state, and her outfit from the Can't Get You Out of My Head video is the country's national dress.
- On meeting any foreigner, Australians legally have to apologise immediately for Delta Goodrem's career.
- Spice Girls forerunners Girlfriend still act as ambassadors for their home country, mainly thanks to Qantas taking pity on them and giving them jobs as air hostesses.
- In Australia Rolf Harris is considered to be a cultural icon on a par with Bach or Beethoven, and his ability to heal animals has led many to suggest he replace Francis of Assisi in the pantheon of saints.
- Indeed, cruelty to animals is so frowned upon there that it's considered a serious criminal offence to attack any dumb creature, so be careful if you're tempted to strike out at a Koala Bear, Duck Billed Platypus or Peter Andre
- The further away from home an Australian is, the more likely they are to get weepy on hearing Men at Work's Down Under.
- Having said that, locals are still quite likely to cry upon hearing it, albeit for entirely different reasons.
- Jason Donovan is the country's official historian. He records everything that happens in the land of Oz and sends it off each day in a letter. Sealed with a kiss.
- Australia has more than its fair share of poisonous snakes, yet none are more dangerous than the snake in the grass businessman Stefan Dennis, whose evil deals were seen daily in the popular fly on the wall documentary series, Neighbours.
- We really want to visit Australia, anyone want to pay for our flight?