Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

10 Things We State About... 

The Eurovision Song Contest takes place on Saturday and taking on the somewhat poisoned chalice of being the UK's entrant is Daz Sampson, of Rikki and Daz and not-quite-as-good-as-Clock-types Bus Stop 'fame'. Regardless of what you think of his pedigree, the schooldays themed Teenage Life is all kinds of aceness - even if we still can't think for the life of us what the chorus reminds us of - though it still remains to be seen exactly what the rest of Europe make of the Daz Challenge. Arf. To send him on his way to Greece in the sort of manner expected by his collection of uniformed dancing girls, here are ten entirely true and in no way made up facts about School:-
  1. A lot of schoolkids have found themselves having hits, mainly thanks to novelty tracks. Famous examples include Claire and Friends, St Winnifred's School Choir, and Limp Bizkit.
  2. On Pink Floyd's famous - and, indeed, only - number one, Another Brick in the Wall, the school kids sang "We don't need no education", clearly demonstrating why they did.
  3. Don't worry Britney, Angus Young and Girls Aloud. There's absolutely nothing wrong whatsoever with wearing a school uniform. As long as you're of school age, of course.
  4. Foregoing your education to have a career as a popstar is a great decision to make and not one that you'll at all regret when you're 35, working in your local fast food emporium with only a faded Smash Hit award to remind you of your glory days.
  5. But you should at least make sure you stay there long enough to work out the difference between 'net' and 'gross'
  6. Many bands formed when the protagonists were at school together. They often split up shortly after gaining a modicum of success, mainly because nothing makes you realise how much you hate your friends than spending 6 months on the road with them, rattling around a tiny tour bus, with only a selection of unpleasant Armenian porn to distract you from their irritating personal habits.
  7. Despite the prominence of music in the school curriculum, there aren't as many groups spawned out of that environment as you might expect. This is mainly because few people are willing to buy records consisting entirely of glockenspiel, recorder and chime bars.
  8. Marketing types believe that head girls are the taste makers of the nation and sent out copies of Jamie Cuntllum's latest album to them in a bid to boost his profile and announced this act to the media at large. This ploy which apparently met with great success, if only in alerting criminals to the poor taste of head girls and dramatically cutting down thefts of their iPods.
  9. While Busted's What I Go To School For was a massive hit, the similarly themed hit by Rebecca Wand, The Headmaster Touched Me, There was less of a success and served mainly to get the Hurlington School for Girls closed, pending a full investigation.
  10. 'Mon the Daz!