Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

10 Things We State About... 

Christina Aguilera's cover of the Top Cat theme, also known as her new single Candyman, is all over the radio like a rash right now, which is appropriate enough, really, given that it's quite easy to imagine Christina being a bit itchy in a private area. To celebrate this, here are ten actually true facts about Christina, which we're taking from a set of Christina Aguilera trading cards which we bought a couple of years ago and were clearly rush released at the time of her first album, featuring, as they do, 45 pictures of Christina which vary only slightly and a variety of biographical details, trivia and, umm, quiz questions about the pop star who wasn't even dirty, let alone dirrrty at the time. We've added some commentary of our own in italics:-

  1. "Loyal to her legions of fans, Christina is moved by the overwhelming response to her music, particularly when she recieves hearfelt, grateful letters from young people she has touched or inspired" - Michael Jackson, of course, is less moved when he recieves letters from youung people he has touched.
  2. "Amazingly, though she posesses one of the most powerful vocal instruments in today's pop music industry, Christina never had a voice lesson until she was 17 years old and had been selected to record Reflection for the Mulan soundtrack." - She then, of course, went from Mulan to the Moulin Rouge, which doesn't have as much of a moral to it as the Disney 'classic'. Ironically, though, while she recorded a song called reflection for Mulan, when she recorded Lady Marmalade for the Moulin Rouge soundtrack they didn't even let her anywhere near a mirror, hence the hilarious look she sported in that video.
  3. "Despite the demands of her first promotional tour and being constantly hounded by fans and the press, Christina remained remarkably optimistic about the pressures of newfound fame, saying that she was exactly where she always wanted to be and was enjoying herself!" - Yes, there must be nothing more life affirming than having to spend every day putting up with hundreds of idiots coming up to you and going "Umm, Hi, I think you're dead pretty". Nowadays, of course, she has to deal with mothers coming up to her and going "Put your jacket on, you'll catch your death, you're not going out like that".
  4. "With the staggering success of her debut album, Christina became a 1999 media sensation, landing in the pages of such diverse publications as Rolling Stone, Entertainment Weekly, People, Spin, Seventeen and YM." - Pop star appears in magazines about pop shocker. Incidentally we spent $5 on these cards and firmly believe it was money well spent.
  5. "Christina's proud and supportive mom, Shelly, oversees her offical fan club. The young superstar herself enjoys occasional visits to the dozens of Christina websites that have sprung up on the internet in the wake of her success!" - It is unrecorded whether she equally enjoyed seeing the dozens of fake Christina nudes that sprung up on the internet in the wake of her success.
  6. "Unlike many other solo female artists who perform to recorded tracks, Christina prefers to be backed by a live band at concert appearences, the better to draw the audience into the moment - and enhance her staggering vocal range!" - Or in other words, "In your face, Britney!"
  7. "Though she comes across as bubbly and confident in interviews, Christina considers herself a different person in private. A closet introvert, she cherishes time alone - particularly now that she has been catapulted into the limelight" - And it's good to see that, as her fame grew and her power along with it, she took the opportunity to present that more introverted side to the camera more often. Well, we certainly got to see more of the private parts of her, anyway.
  8. "With a television series and a No. 1 album to her credit, Christina has yet to fulfill another lofty ambition: acting on the big screen. She has considered - and passed on - several movie roles, but when the right part comes along, you can bet she'll grab it!" - And who on earth would have thought that the right role would turn out to be an uncredited appearence as a jellyfish in the Finding Nemo rip-off, A Shark's Tale. Not us, that's for sure!
  9. "Though she's dated on and off throughout her teen years, Christina has yet to find a special someone with whom she can share a long term relationship. She claims that her favourite thing on a date is to go to a museum. Are you listening, eligible guys?" - Nowadays, of course, the only way a date to a museum is likely to keep Christina interested is if it ends with her being banged up against the mummified remains of an Egyptian pharoah. Bless.

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