And so, just as tonight, after 41 years, Top of the Pops grinds to a halt, so our look back at every single Top of the Pops presenter ever grinds to an equally ignomious conclusion. Let's have a look at our final batch, all the way from
Mark Radcliffe to
Reggie Yates:-
- Mark Radcliffe - Mark was famed for stopping halfway through his radio show to go to the toilet next to the mixing desk.
- Mike Raven - An old Radio One DJ, it's said that if he ever leaves his home in the Tower of London the building will collapse and all the Beefeaters will be going down the dole office.
- Mike Read - Mike is probably best known for refusing to play Frankie Goes To Hollywood's Relax after he listened to the lyrics a few times and suddenly came to the earth shattering conclusion "Hang on! That's about bumming!". His reaction when he eventually worked out what Chuck Berry's My Ding-a-ling was about, only five years after everyone else 'got' it, is unknown.
- Vic Reeves - Vic Reeves used to be really good. Seriously.
- Cliff Richard - Cliff Richard used to be really good. Seriously.
- Tina Richie - Inventor of the popular biscuit which bears her name.
- Marc Riley - AKA Lard and a one time member of The Fall, which makes him a member of a very exclusive club which contains only 575,231 members. (Number correct at time of writing).
- B.A. Robertson - Singer/songwriter who had a terrible phobia of flying and found most fools pitiable.
- Adrian Rose - A presenter from the early nineties. After changing his name to Adrian Rose he began to suffer from a terrible BO problem, proving that a Rose by any other name doesn't smell as sweet.
- Emperor Rosko - Due to being in the right place at the right time, Emperor Rosko actually is now a real, bona fide Emperor, thanks to a military coup in a small African country.
- Jonathan Ross - Co-hosted with the lovely Fearne Cotton, but cause controversy when he asked her if she'd ever flicked herself off to Jimmy Savile.
- Sybil Ruscoe - One of Simon Mayo's cohorts from his time on the Breakfast show and later a broadcaster in her own right. Also the illegitimate daughter of Emperor Rosko.
- Shaun Ryder - A confused Shaun Ryder refused to believe he was hosting the show, convinced that he was just sitting at home watching it as normal. To this end he spent most of the evening shouting expletives at the acts and throwing empty beer cans at the stage before finally storming off in a huff when he couldn't get his remote control to work when the video for The Smurfs Your Christmas Wish came on.
- Lily Savage - You can't tell if it's a boy or a girl these days.
- Jimmy Savile - The first and, indeed, last host of Top of the Pops, Jimmy looked to be about 80 when he started hosting the show so God knows how old he is now. Jimmy was also the man to turn to when anyone on the show wanted any illegal narcotics, hence the documentary series showcasing his time as a drug dealer, Jim'll Fix It.
- Pat Sharp - Pat still lives in his Fun House, were he can often be found forlornly sitting in the ball pool, wondering why Melanie and Martina don't call round any more.
- Claudia Simon - Another of the early nineties team. Claudia was actually Double Dare presenter Peter Simon wearing a wig and attempting a new career direction.
- Skin - Skunk Anansie frontwoman who seemed to be the acceptable face of slightly metally indie for the Melody Maker generation. Lately was quite good, mind.
- Richard Skinner - Hosted Top of the Pops as a way of escaping the japes and escapades of Bart Simpson for a few blessed weeks.
- Keith Skues - Skues out for summer. Skues out forever.
- Elayne Smith - According to her Voice123 page, Elayne's voice is warm, sexy, upbeat and fun. Given that she only hosted the show for a few months, the public in general may not have agreed with this.
- Mike Smith - Do not get in a helicopter with this man.
- Lisa Snowdon - Like Shakira, be careful not to confuse her with a mountain.
- Spice Girls - Unfortunately they didn't host on a show where a record had risen one place to hit the top spot, as that would have been a night when two became one.
- Spoony - Has never had anything amusing happen to him in relation to a spoon.
- Ed Stewart - Ed 'Stewpot' Stewart was given his nickname due to his habit of picking out chubbier members of the audience, dicing them up and turning them into hotpot which he'd then serve up at the BBC canteen to hungry members of the production team.
- Claire Sturgess - Whenever Claire was booked to present, the production team often longed for her to phone in sick as she often brought in the most inappropriate gifts for people on the show. When she turned up there was always a Claire and present danger.
- Suggs - Wasn't Night Fever a brilliant programme? They should really bring it back.
- David Symonds - Apparently David was sacked from Radio 1 for reading the news while drunk and naked. Suspicions were aroused when he described the cabinet as a bunch of wankers and read the same story out four times in a row before falling asleep with his head resting upon the microphone.
- Take That - Had problems fitting their hosting duties into their busy schedule, but managed to find enough time to pop in and quickly record their links. It only took a minute.
- Margherita Taylor - The only cheese and tomato pizza ever to host the show.
- Jamie Theakston - Unfortunately Supercute's excellent single never even made it into the charts, let alone on a week when Jamie was hosting, otherwise Jamie Theakston would have to have introduced Jamie Theakston.
- Kate Thornton - Kate, of course, now hosts X Factor, the modern day equivalent of St Peter judging you at the Pearly Gates.
- Peter Tork - Another Monkee. Oddly enough Mike Neysmith isn't listed here. Presumably he didn't need the money as he's the heir to the Tippex fortune and so is all white for cash. Arf!
- Gayle Tuesday - Or Page 3 Stunna Gayle Tuesday to give her her full name. Gayle was a comedy character who briefly flourished until people realised she only had one joke, namely that she was a bit thick. Jordan is a less believable version of this character.
- Phil Tufnell - Wife beating cunt.
- Anthea Turner - Can currently be found teaching people How to be the Perfect Housewife on BBC Three, so it's nice to see the Beeb are still sticking to, ahem, traditional values.
- Bear Van Beers - Dutch. We can bear-ly - arf! - remember who she was, and Google is no-help whatsoever, the only references to her being to her time hosting Top of the Pops.
- Denise Van Outen - Denise starred in Babes in the Wood which, for those who were lucky enough to have missed it, was literally the worst sitcom we've ever had the misfortune to watch. And we watched The Estate Agents.
- Tommy Vance - Gravelly voiced DJ's unique style came from him eating a bowl of gravel every day. His recent death may or may not have been caused by gravel blockage, the coroner refuses to say and is getting very irate every time we phone up to ask. We suspect conspiracy.
- Dave Vitty - Chris Moyle's main sidekick. If this was our position in life, we'd spend a lot of time under the duvet, weeping copiously.
- Johnnie Walker - Got the job after a bitterly fought contest against his main rival for the position, Jim Beam.
- Lousie Wener - Sleeper frontwoman and so responsible for What Do I Do Now, one of the few good things to come out of the Britpop era. Louise now writes novels and, if you ignore the fact that she's not too hot on characterisation, dialogue, plot, pacing and descriptive writing, they're quite good.
- Whigfield - Her name still lives on as part of the Whigfield Festival, where every year since 1997 a wig, styled in the same way as her hair in the Saturday Night video, is buried somewhere in a field in Dorset and all interested parties rush out to try and find it. There are currently 10 wigs waiting to be discovered.
- Jo Whiley - The fakely enthusiastic DJ genuinely believes herself to be an expert in music. This is despite the fact that she takes full responsibility for Dido's success.
- Paul Whitehouse - Before finding comedy success, Paul worked as a painter and decorator, but was sacked due to his habit of tripping up while carrying tins of paint and turning round sharply while carrying planks of wood, hitting his co-workers in the back of their heads.
- Robbie Williams - The entirely heterosexual Robbie Williams has appeared on Top of the Pops more times than we've had hot dinners. Mind you, our cooker is broken at the moment.
- Dale Winton - We were at the checkout the other day and, you know what? When we heard the beep we really did pause and start to think about the fun we could be having playing Supermarket Sweep. Which didn't half piss off the people behind us in the queue.
- Wayne Wonder - No, not the Wayne Wonder, just a Wayne Wonder.
- Ian Wright - Footballer type who, despite clearly having no skills in this area whatsoever, fancied himself as a TV presenter. Fortunately for him his surname fits quite well into the sort of punning titles which TV bosses love so they actually gave him a shot at it.
- Steve Wright - Not only did he host the show, but Steve also appeared when Arnee and the Terminaters (sic) got to number 5 with I'll Be Back, a 'hilarious' song about Arnold Scwarzenegger. But look, it was 1991, people didn't have the internet and so had to find entertainment wherever they could.
- Tony Wright - The Terrorvision frontman kept asking the show's producers if he could host it as he really wanted to read out the Celebrity Hit List. Eventually his Perseverance paid off and his III Wishes were answered after he went through a Middleman.
- Reggie Yates - And finally, and perhaps appropriate we come to Reggie, not only the last person on this list, but one of the last people to ever host the show. We wonder what he's got planned for the future. A bit of gardening, maybe, followed by a nice cup of tea and then a solid hour of weeping as he desperately tries to decide where his career's going to go to next.
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