Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

10 Things We State About... 

After 19 years in business of selling records to middle aged couples who don't really like music, The Beautiful South finally split up last week - with jokes about The Byrds yesterday and now this does anyone think we might be losing our 'edge'? - blaming 'musical similarities', the similarity in question presumbably being that between pretty much every single they've released for the last five years. To commemmorate this event, here are ten entirely true and in no way made up facts up about the nation's favourite grumpy northeners:-
  1. Frontman Paul Heaton is genetically 78.3% anorak. The remaining 21.7% is comprised of melancholy, bitterness and general, non-specific jadedness.
  2. The album version of Don't Marry Her contains markedly different lyrics to the radio edit. Similarly the band had to make a number of changes to the content to allow them to release "Fuck My Brains Out" as a single. It eventually surfaced disguised as a cover of Everybody's Talkin'
  3. The band appeared on Watchdog in the mid-nineties after their business offering day trips to Rotterdam turned out to be dumping it's customers in Liverpool instead. Their feeble defence that "Rotterdam is anywhere! Anywhere alone!" did not go down well with Anne Robinson.
  4. They only had one number one, and that was with their tribute to Delia Smith, A Little Thyme.
  5. Perfect 10 is a not exactly vieled reference to Paul Heaton's penis size. Similarly, I'll Sail This Ship Alone is a not exactly veiled reference to the less than impressive size of their eventual fanbase.
  6. Some of the band used to be Housemartins but formed The Beautiful South after the band split up due to internal bickering and the entire rhythym section being eaten by the neighbourhood cat.
  7. There are many beautiful things to be found in the south, mainly those which remind you of the north.
  8. The Beautiful South changed their female singers as often as Paul changed his underpants. A whole three times!
  9. According to statistics, either one in four, six, or seven homes in the UK owns a copy of Carry on Up The Charts, their greatest hits. This proves that a) people who calculate statistics really don't have a clue what they're doing and b) that there are at least 15% of the country who don't have a clue what they're doing either.
  10. Good as Gold is really rather ace, mind.