Thursday, May 10, 2007
Lily Allen launched her fashion range for New Look this week and, much like fellow designer Kate Moss, whose Top Shop clothes serve mainly to make the wearer look like they're on their way to a fancy dress party dressed as a low rent Kate Moss, her collection simply flew off the rails. Although unlike Kate's this was less down to young trendy types snapping them up like they were going out of fashion, and more down to shamefaced shop assistants tearing them off the shelves once they realised exactly what they were supposed to be selling. We're sure selections from the range will be turning up in charity shops up and down the country soon enough, though, so here's a quick look at some of what Lily had on offer, just so that you know what to avoid:-
- Much of the range is focused on ways for the larger foreheaded lady to disguise their massively domed shame. To this end there's a large number of bandannas, extra-wide headbands and novelty clown hats available in sizes from XXL up. Each purchase also comes with a handy booklet detailing ways in which you can use your fringe to disguise your ample area betwixt hairline and eyebrows in a way which is almost convincing.
- Lily is, of course, not only famed for making godawful music, but also for twinning prom-style dresses with trainers in a delightful mismatch which makes her look like she's should be swigging from a can of special brew and pushing all her belongs around in a shopping trolley. Her New Look collection builds on this irreverency and offers punters the chance to have a lucky dip of three items at a discount price, the only catch being that they have to wear their new outfit immediately to qualify. This has led to a number of girls attempting desperately to work out some way of wearing three pairs of trainers in a way that doesn't contravene the laws of public decency.
- It's not just dresses and shoes though, Lily is covering the essentials as well, with a special range of underwear made from unsold copies of her album. This continues in her tradition of making music that's pants.
- We all know that Lily sees the world in a different, more profound way than the rest of us. Just listen to the lyrics of LDN if you require proof of that, in which she she explains the sort of thing that us mere mortals are unlikely to be able to grasp: that life, while seeming quite good, might be a bit rubbish if you look a bit closer. Ah, to be blessed with such insight! Fortunately now you can, as Lily is providing a special set of Real World Glasses as part of her New Look range. By wearing these you're instantly exposed to the truth about the society as a special speaker in the leg gives you a constant commentary, voiced by Lily herself, on the goings on around you. "He's probably a thief", "I bet she's on the game", "My Dad's Keith Allen, you know. Yeah, that's right, the rubbish actor" are just some of the revealing phrases you'll hear as you walk through your home town.
- As this is clearly a fashion brand whose name will inspire a lot of opinions as you go around town, buyers will be pleased to know that the "Lily Loves..." label has been designed to be as small and unobtrusive as possible so that only those in the know will realise that you've purchased items from her range, thus drastically reducing the amount of catcalls, insults, threats and spitballs in your hair that would otherwise occur.