Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Fashion, Don't You Know 

Avril Lavigne's new album is out now, and it really is all kinds of aceness with, a few entirely unnecessary ballads aside, a "Hey Hey!" on every track and enough bubblegum fantasticness running through it to permanently put the Hubba Bubba corporation out of business. Naturally with Avril's star riding high at this moment in time, and with Avril, as she herself somewhat egotistically puts it, being "The best damn thing your eyes have ever seen", many of you will be wanting to ape her new found feminine look, so it's a good thing that we sent our Fashion Correspondent Laura out to persuade theSk8r Girl herself to pen a few words on just how to achieve her own unique style:-

Avril Lavigne's Guide To Not Letting Married Life Ruin Your Flair For Fashion.

Hello! It's Mrs Avril Whibley here, here to give you some friendly advice on how to stay down with the "kidz" in this hip-hop-happening world, along with some fashion tips from someone who is so in the know with the music world today that she's releasing a Rob Cavallo produced pop punk record literally years after Green Day milked the whole darn genre to death so now you're all sick and tired of it! MARKETING GENIUS!

You may have heard my new single which I released earlier this month called Girlfriend on your local wireless pod casting thing. This was the first step in a cunning strategy that I planned all by myself to try and convince the public that I'm not a boring old stay-at-home housewife, and I'm still down with it... whatever "it" may be.

I took my inspiration for this outfit from various sources - a quick trip down to a 'Fall Down Boys' concert this week let me mingle with some of these hip-kids of today. Ah, to be 18 again! I noted that many of the young girls on this 'scene' had an eccentric taste in what was considered sensible going-out wear. But nonetheless, I realised that children are the future, and I need to push aside my concerns that they all looked like they couldn't decide which outfit to wear and simply wore one item from each, and start working this style within my own wardrobe.

I started the outfit with a white t shirt, and a royal blue tartan skirt, which frankly looked hideous, but as I overhead one excitable young teen telling her friend that she "looked the shit", I could only assume that 'looking shit' is exactly how to get forward in the cut throat world of fashion!

Its absurdly short length meant that tights were an essential to this outfit, as obviously I don't want to 'do a Lisa Lohans' and let the world see an area that is just for my husband, and possibly Playboy if they offer me enough money, so I gave my good friend Paris Hilton a call. Paris gave me a recommendation, and although personally I'm more comfortable with the pairs of American Tan that I buy in bulk from Costco, Paris insisted that what they're calling 'fished nets' are all the rage. Immediately I went down to the docks to get myself some fished nets, and the fisherman that I spoke to said that I'd have to wait until he'd finished trawling for haddock. I can only assume that he was dealing drugs and preying on young children so I maced him and called the police once I'd escaped to a secure location.

Despite all this, I was concerned my outfit was still too conventional and I needed an 'edge' to really make it. Ideally, I was after some sort of suit of armour to really crank up the kooky side, but unfortunately Primark didn't seem to stock any. I briefly considered trying to whip up my own with some plastic shopping bags I saw by the door, but I was all out of sellotape, so that had to stay a dream. One day, though... One day...

I was really looking for the piéce de résistance to make my outfit truly look like a fancy dress shop had vomited on me, but I was having little success in my search. Inspiration, as it often does, failed to hit me, so I decided to go home and have a think about it while I did my husband's laundry. Short of doing a Superman and wearing my underwear over my clothes, I was somewhat restricted with what I could do.

As I pondered this thought, suddenly it hit me! It was so foolishly obvious, I laughed at myself for not thinking of it before! I decided to borrow my husband's rugby socks and put these on over my tights! GENIUS!

They smelt a little bit so I soaked them for a while in some Dettol and then advised my darling beloved to next time sprinkle the insides of his socks with talcum powder as this absorbs any perspiration and keeps your shoes powder fresh. Top tip folks, if you want to go get a pen and paper to write that down, I'll wait for you to get back.

The look was nearly complete, I just needed one last touch to finish it off. I decided to go decorate our marital home in my new album's colour scheme while hoping that the muse would strike again, but just I was getting started on this really Complicated - ha ha! - task I slipped over in my silly stilettos, and knocked paint all over myself. See, told you it was complicated!

I spent the best part of the afternoon washing my hair with white spirit in an effort to get it all out but, as hard as I tried to remove it, some neon pink still remained in my hair. In the end I gave up and went off to my photoshoot with my new fantastic outfit. As I walked in, the stylist winked at me and said 'Pink hair! I love it Avril, it's totally showing off your rebellious side, the kids are going to love it!' I didn't want to tell him it was a fortunate mistake, so I glared at him and told him to shut the fuck up.

I may be a housewife, but I'm still a miserable old bitch after all.

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