Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

10 Things We State About... 

Emo is riding high in the charts right now, with My Chemical Romance currently at number one. Admittedly they've achieved this feat mainly be pretending to be a different band and not actually sounding that emo really, when you get right down to it, but a feats a feat, and misunderstood outsiders all over the country are no doubt celebrating this achievement as we type. Or at the very least stopping moping about their bedrooms for five minutes and giving a half hearted thumbs up. We, however, will celebrate this, with all the crushing inevitability of a ten ton weight suddenly finding itself suspended above your head, by giving you ten entirely true and in no way made up facts about the world of Emo:-
  1. Shortly before his tragic, yet hilarious, death, comedian Rod Hull was in the midst of recording a tribute album to this genre, to be titled Rod Hull and Emo. Alas, after his accident, the recordings were consigned to the vaults, never to see the light of day. Much like Rod's right arm, come to think of it.
  2. Emo is hugely popular amongst those who wish to express their individuality by looking exactly the same as everyone else.
  3. If you're not sure whether a song you like is Emo or not, count the number of words in the title. If it's ten or more, then congratulations! You're listening to a particularly pretensiously titled example of the genre.
  4. If you find that the track you're listening to seems to consist of little more than a constant, repetitive whirring sound, but evokes a pleasant smell of freshly cut grass, it's likely that you're listening to a flymo instead.
  5. In times of war, the Government is legally able to force all Emo kids into service as signal flags, using their brightly coloured hair to send out messages to ships at sea.
  6. Emo kids carry plastic bags inside their tiny rucksacks in case of emergencies. Such as actually needing to carry something.
  7. The only thing whinier than an Emo kid is a hungry cat. And the latter has the advantage that the problem can easily be solved by the medium of fish.
  8. While Emo has now reached, if you ignore the Daily Mail, mainstream acceptability, for many years finding that sort of music in your local record store was stressful, complicated and thankless task. The struggle of some fans to locate the latest Panic! at the Disco was immortalised in the recent film, Finding Emo. It's a comedy.
  9. The best Emo album you can buy is E=Mo2 by Emo Philips.
  10. Life is unfair. Kill yourself or get over it.