Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Musical Shares 

The queue of people rushing to make money from the unexpected success of the Take That reunion continues to grow, even if Robbie seems to be unable to even locate the end of the queue, let alone the start of it. Latest to cash in are the organisers of Never Forget, the Take That musical, who cannily bought the rights to use the songs in this way at a time when interest in the boys was at an all time low so the price was at a similar level. As with all these sorts of musicals, the plot will likely consist of little more than a desperate shoe-horning in of songs based more around the titles, rather than the lyrical content, so no doubt that this show will involve scenes where the characters appeal to a higher power (Pray), one where they go to visit Kurt Cobain's widow, only to find she's recently moved (Love Ain't Here Any more), and one where they rent a video about a talking pig (Babe). Although given that the plot apparently revolves around a Take That tribute band, they could save themselves a lot of effort by having the plot revolve around a Take That tribute band turning up to do a gig which goes remarkably well. Admittedly this may lack the dramatic hook to pull in the casual punter, but somehow we feel that following a classical plot structure may not be of the highest priority to the organisers.

Still, despite the spate of these cultural faux pas, it strikes us that there's still plenty of back catalogues that have still to be exploited repackaged for a new multi-media theatrical experience, and we feel it's time we got in on the action, so later this week we'll be pitching the following musicals to a variety of top impresarios:-

Going Nuclear
Using the songs of Atomic Kitten, this tells the story of Amanda, who begins the show by being dumped by her boyfriend (The Last Goodbye). Her friend, Lisa, sees how upset she is and decides to comfort her by taking her out clubbing (It's OK/Follow Me Medley). They both get drunk and Lisa begins to realise that she has feelings for Amanda (Someone Like Me, I Want Your Love). After a few more Goldschlagers, Amanda soon begins to reciprocate these feelings (The Tide is High, Right Now), and it all ends with an upbeat happiness with their new found lesbiotic tendencies and a sing-a-long of Ladies Night. Use of Whole Again may have unwanted connotations, so we'll need to be careful where we slot this in.

Fade to Grey
Using the songs of The Faders, this tells the story of a girl in a second floor flat who buys a trampoline late one evening. Excited she takes it home but can't wait til morning to use it, much to the annoyance of the people in the flat below (Jump and No Sleep Tonight). May require some fleshing out before it reaches the West End.

Stool Pigeons
Utilising the songs of Westlife, or at least the songs that Westlife have chosen to cover, having never had an original thought in their lives, this tells the tale of five men who, thanks to an accident at the glue factory where they work, find themselves permanently stuck to their stools. They dream of being able to stand up once again (I Have a Dream, Flying Without Wings) and talk about the impossibility of their situation (Against All Odds, Unbreakable, Hey Whatever), and whether their constant seated position is impinging on their masculinity (What Makes a Man), how much they'd love to be able to get up and dance (Bop Bop Baby), and how pissed off they are with the whole situation (Swear it Again). Eventually, thanks to some glue remover and an industrial strength crane, the boys get to stand up again (You Lift Me Up), but after one verse decide that they preferred sitting down after all and promptly return to their stools for the rest of the show.

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