Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Fashion, Don't You Know 

All Saints have a new album out this week. We've not bought it yet - we're waiting for a second single which, judging by the sales figures, is a tactic followed by the rest of the British public - but Rock Steady was really rather ace so we're hopeful that the rest of the album is similarly good. To celebrate this, Fashion Correspondent Laura went off to persuade the girls to reveal a few of their style secrets. Here's what she got. Incidentally, we'd like to apologise for the poor quality of the pic which accompanies this piece, but we're not going to as we've taken it direct from their official website, so frankly it's all their fault and not ours for being too lazy to scan in our own copy. Ahem. Anyway, girls, take it away:-

All Saints' Guide to Taking Advantage of the Unprecedented - Yet Welcome - National Appreciation of Girls Aloud and Their Style.


Hi. We're the All Saints. We have decided to do this fashion column as a joint effort as none of us has enough personality to stand out on our own and make the next five minutes of your life anything other than coma inducing. Although, as Shaznay has just correctly pointed out, when we decided to reinvent ourselves with this mean'n'moody front, we didn't take into account how dull'n'insipid this would make us. Nicole has just asked how Shaznay has changed this time around then, and has been led out by "The Manager" for a talk. Again. She's been threatened with anger management classes unless she stops being faintly interesting.

Back to the fashion, then. Our manager told us that if we want to have amazing success this time round, we needed to take inspiration from a band who were doing well on the music scene currently. We went home that night, gave it some thought, then Mel suggested the Arctic Monkeys, which we all thought was a great idea! When we went into our label HQ on Tuesday morning wearing clothes stolen from the washing line outside the local care home, our hair unwashed and back combed, and four accents striving to be from somewhere around Sheffield, but instead covering a wide range including India, Mexico, China and New Zealand, we were sent back home and told to "try again".

On our way home, Natalie bought us the latest copy of Heat magazine to see if we could find anything fantastic in the What Were You THINKING? fashion section. Before we managed to flick to page 75, though, we came across an interview with Girls Aloud, where the gobby northern chav accused US, ALL SAINTS, of 'copying their image'. "That is totally outrageous," commented Mel. "I mean, look at what Nadine is wearing in that picture. I'm not wearing any underwear today, thank you very much!"

While the rest of us edged away from Mel, a plan was forming in our collective head. If we were being accused of copying Girls Aloud, well we might as well do it properly. Slowly we came up with a plan that was definitely not a rip off of our amazing blockbuster film Honest. We were going to ambush the Girls Aloud Style Bus, and whatever we found would form our new look. Shaznay would go and distract Nicola, who had been relegated to guarding the bus by Nadine while the others promoted their Greatest Hits album, and ask her which foundations she used to cover up her freckles best, as Shaz's are getting out of control again. Nic and Nat would sneak inside, grab some bits and bobs before running to the getaway car Mel was driving. Sadly, Mel got a flat tyre the day before the Great Robbery, so we had to settle for a getaway pick up truck.

Nonetheless, the plan went according to... well, plan, and we managed to grab a bin liner of clothes. Nat/Nicole - even we can't remember which one of us is which - can be seen wearing a dashing red jumper, rumoured to be made from the hair of Nicola Roberts, Mel is wearing a pyjama top that once belonged to Kym, and Nat/Nicole is wearing some of Tweedy's amazing bling which she can afford now she is a WAG and has all of Vicky Beckham's old cast offs. There wasn't anything in the bag for Shaz, so we just cut some arm holes out of the bin liner, and told her it was a poncho. She didn’t even realise.

And that's all there is to it. Our style, as stolen from Girls Aloud. Add a dodgy film plot, and a gold chain or two, and you too can have a smash hit album, rumoured to be debuting in the charts at an impressive #43 this Sunday.

See you soon for more in the crazy life of the Saints.

Shaz, Mel, Nic & Nat x