Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

10 Things We State About... 

The U2/Oasis chart battle continues on apace, proving to be of absolutely no interest to anyone whatsoever spart from lazy, derivitive hacks, desperate for any sort of hook to hang their vaguely thought out opinions on. So, ummm, with that in mind, here are ten entirely true and in no way made up facts about the world's favourite Irishmen:-
  1. On the first day, Bono said "Let there be light", and there was light, and Bono saw that it was good.
  2. If the band ever wish to make their Zoo TV tour - which featured 36 video monitors, numberous television cameras, two seperate mix positions, 176 speakers, 11 Trabants, which all required 1 million watts of power to operate - enough to run 2000 homes and required 52 trucks to transport the 1,200 tons of equipment, 3 miles of cabling, 200 labourers, 12 forklifts and one 40 ton crane required to construct the stage at each of the 157 shows all over the world - carbon neurtral, conservative estimates suggest that they would be required to reforest an entire planet, roughly the size of Saturn. This hypocrisy, however, still doesn't stop Bono banging on about global warming as if he cared about it and wasn't in any way more interested in the raising of his own public profile.
  3. The original lyrics for I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For ended with the lines "Oh never mind, it's there on the coffee table/I'd forget my own head if it wasn't screwed on/Honestly! What am I like?!"
  4. Contrary to popular belief, there are no leprechauns in the band.
  5. The Bono (Pan paniscus), until recently usually called the Pygmy Chimpanzee and less often the Dwarf or Gracile Chimpanzee, is one of the two species comprising the chimpanzee genus, Pan. The Bono was discovered in 1928, by American anatomist Harold Coolidge, represented by a skull in the Tervuren museum in Belgium that was thought to have belonged to a juvenile chimpanzee, though credit for the discovery went to the German Ernst Schwarz, who published the findings in 1929. The species is distinguished by an upright gait, a matriarchal and egalitarian culture, and the prominent role of sexual activity in their society.
  6. Even Bono can't remember what the drummer is called.
  7. Bono would truely love to make a difference, but if he can't do that then a photocall of him meeting a world leader is just as good. He's a bit like obnoxious and awful music 'journalist' Billy Sloan in that regard. And one other.
  8. The only thing more irritatingly earnest than a U2 concert is a whole room full of Oscar Wilde fans going "A handbag?!" simultaneously.
  9. If you're ever going to pick a fight with Bono then don't do it if he's standing anywhere near the band's guitarist as he's bit handy with the old fists and will clock you one if you try it. As Bono himself once warned a fan who got a bit too lairy in his presence: "Don't push me cause I'm close to The Edge".
  10. He really is a sanctimonious cunt.