Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Pan O'Meara/The H Factor: Day 3 

Day 3 in the Celebrity Big Brother house and Jo, Carole and Danielle are Nowhere, discussing Jermaine's shyness, never once considering that the reason he might be a bit quiet and reserved around them is simply the fact that he doesn't want to speak to them, and who could blame him given that Jo's solution to bring him out of his shell is "just to talk random crap". As an example of this, Jo decided to enlighten the girls about her disorientation when she woke up: "I got up this mornign and thought 'I must text...'" before realising the obvious flaw in the plan; it's very rude to text someone first thing in the morning. Oh, and she's cut off from the outside world, obviously.

Conversation then turned towards Danielle's relationship with her boyfriend, who apparently plays games for a living, and their age difference, a somewhat impressive 17 years, and the fact that he's got a son not much younger than Danielle herself. Rather than seeing this as a somewhat weird situation, the girls immediately declared this to be a good thing, with Jo opining that it works because "Women grow up quicker than guys", which is true up to a point, but by the time you reach your twenties things should surely have evened out, and besides, Danielle doesn't exactly appear to have the maturity of a forty year old. Or a four year old, for that matter.

After two days in the house, H has had a revelation. "Janet is Jermaine's sister!", he excitedly exclaimed. At this rate we fully expect him to end his time in the house by realising that Dirk has met Mr T, that he himself used to work with Lisa Scott-Lee, and that Carol Malone really has no business being there.

Further evidence came to light regarding our belief that Jo and Donny are going to end up rutting like rabbits as the final culmination and, indeed, consumation of the greatest love story ever told, as Donny went into the diary room and poured out his heart about his feelings for the Ex-Clubber: "I'm not getting to know H and Jo", he said, his voice cracking witth emotion and love, "Partly through choice - I find them annoying as a pair", he continued, as cupids danced and angels sang. "I'm on a different level", he concluded, which is certainly true, though not perhaps in the way he thinks.

"Is it reall called a punani?", asked H of Shilpa, having presumably confused Ali G with the real world.

This year's twist - and we hope it's not the first of many, last year's BB had so many twists that it ended up looking like a paperclip in the hands of a bored office worker - is that Jade Goody and her family are entering the house and the majority of the housemates are going to have to work as their servants for a short period of time, living in some squalid, unpleasant quarters - by which they mean the floors were a bit dirty - next door to the main house. Jo and H were amongst those unlucky enough to take on this role, but this didn't dampen their spirits and Jo seemed overjoyed by the disgusting conditions that will be her home for the next few days. "Oh wow!" she exclaimed as she surveyed the room, clapping her hands and squealing with delight. Jo, it is probably worth pointing out here, comes from Essex.

It's a matter of opinion as to whether H has already been involved with a criminal record, but he can no longer take the moral high ground as he was an accessory to Donny's jailbreak from the Big Brother house. Admittedly a somewhat bemused accessory, as all he did was give Donny a leg up when he demanded it, but an accessory none the less. Donny's reasons for leaving the house were succinct and to the point: "I'm not fucking waiting hand on foot for some moron and her family", and it's hard to argue the point, even if he could perhaps have toned down the language a little bit. When H informed the others of Donny's daring escape - and he could, frankly, just have used the fire exit, rather than going through the hassle of climbing up on the roof, though presumably using doors just isn't rock'n'roll enough for him - they all seemed quite sceptical, with Jo saying she thought it was a wind up and Danielle reckoning that he was just hiding under one of the beds. And why not, after all, Donny is clearly the sort of happy-go-lucky scamp that love's nothing more than playing a prank on his other housemates. Well, he's a joke, anyway.