Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Friday, January 26, 2007

Pan O'Meara/The H Factor: Day 21 

Day 21 in the Celebrity Big Brother house and, having realised that there's no-one in the house who's on an intellectual par with even his ex-Steps bandmates, H has begun turning towards the cameras - who, of course turn towards him. Well, they have to, it's their job - for some conversational stimulation. Today he was speaking to 'Bob', who has had a feather from the showgirl task stuck onto his 'head' at a jaunty angle. "You're now a showgirl!", said H. Bob seemed somewhat non-plussed at this and continued to look at things in a disinterested manner.

Still, making friends with the cameras is all well and good, but it's not going to be much when it comes to the nominations as they don't get a vote but the rest of the housemates do and, despite having avoided getting a single nomination so far during his time in the house, H is no longer as popular as he used to be, garnering a whole two nominations from his fellow celebrities. First to try and get rid of him was Cleo who took exception to his conversing with the cameras, saying it made her nervous, but if the choice was between talking to Cleo or an inanimate object, then the inanimate object would surely win every time. The racist Danielle also picked Ian, citing his hyperactive air, over-excitablity and general happy-go-lucky exterior as a reason for giving him the boot. Obviously hanging out with Jo has made her see happiness as a bad thing.

H himself chose Cleo because of the whole Dirk incident where Tiara, one of Cleo's friends - i.e. Cleo in a bad wig putting on a rubbish accent - came into the house and, unsurprisingly, pissed off Dirk. We support H in this choice, and can only hope that she leaves this house only to enter another one where they have padded walls, special jackets that do up the back and trained specialists who know how to deal with people who see figments of their imagination as their 'friends'. His second nomination, however, was even more shocking as he pulls a knife - probably plastic - from behind his back and stabs his fellow pop star and veteran of the Saturday morning kid's show circuit, Jo O'Meara! Still, he has a point, as he chose her due to her refusal to get involved and back Shilpa up during the racism incident, preferring instad to giggle and laugh about it. And H is quite right to take this particular moral high horse, as he himself was quick to leap to Shilpa's defence and point out to the three Witches of Essex that what they were doing was reprehensible and... Oh wait, he didn't.

It wasn't only H that wants to be shot of Jo, Dirk too named her, as she smokes - unlike Dirk, of course, who is only rarely seen smoking a cigar, roughly 23 hours out of every 24 - and is highly illiterate, but likes to talk, which is not exactly a good combination, unless you're seeking a career hosting one of the Quiz TV channels, the lovely Alex Kramer excepted, of course. Jermaine also chose Jo, again for the smoking, as he's a vocalist and breathing in stale cigarette fumes doesn't exactly do your voice much good, unless you have plans for a future career as a Rod Stewart or Bonnie Tyler impersonator. Ben from the X Factor take note.

Jo decided that the two housemates she'd most like to see the back of were Dirk, because he's a bit grumpy - umm, hello! Have you looked in the mirror recently? Well, yeah, of course you have, the house is full of them. We would make a "pot calling the kettle black" comment here, but given the whole furore that she's been a part of we're not sure that'd be entirely wise - and Shilpa, because she's a racist she's not as close to Shilpa as she is to the other housemates and finds her a bit controlling. And one thing Jo doesn't like is being controlled. Or so she was told to say by her manager before she went into the house.

With nominations out of the way H and Jack began clearing up and H, rather optimistically, asked Jo and Danielle if they felt like helping out. Danielle refused as "I've gotta rest so I can fit into my bikini, it's hard work being beautiful". The latter may explain why Danielle has yet to achieve that goal.

TO keep the housemates amused in the evening, Big Brother prepared a quiz for them where they would each answer questions about one of the other housemates in an attempt to win a prize of their choice, up to the value of £10, for them. H chose a £10 pound donation to charity for his prize, so we can now all rest easy, safe in the knowledge that cancer will now be defeated and, if there's any change, we can eradicate poverty as well. Jo, slightly less altruistically, chose some hair dye, and Dirk was in the hotseat to win it for her. He was not hugely successful, unable to guess what she thought would be her most annoying habit - plucking her eyelashes - how many tatoos she has on her bottom - two, one saying left, and the other saying right - and which song some lines from Bring it All Back came from, though to be fair, Jo struggled with the last one as well. He lost the prize for Jo, although given that H was suggesting that she'd have to kiss him if he did win, perhaps this was the best option for her.

Disappointed, Jo went to bed, and along with Danielle she was counting down the days until the whole thing was over. We know how you feel Jo, we know how you feel.