Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Pan O'Meara/The H Factor: Day 20 

Day 20 - Twenty! - in the Celebrity Big Brother house and the housemates are beginning to feel the strain of having been living in each other's pockets for nigh on three weeks. Still, don't worry though, as here comes the little ray of sunshine that is Jo O'Meara to cheer everyone up. "I'm feeling really anxious, something's not right today. It could be anything something out there, even", she moaned, while biting her nails and looking as miserable as a kitten soaked in petrol. Fortunately, though, H was on hand to provide a bit of perspective and rationality on the whole affair, after all, there's people out there in far more stressful and upsetting situations than you lot, isn't there H? "Nobody else is ever going to understand what we've had to deal with". Oh...

Jo later expanded on her theme of celebration and happiness in the Diary Room. "I'm scared of the 'outside world'", she began, much like an agorophobic who is terrified of being picked up by a bird and taken back to their nest, "It feels like it's been forever". Someone really needs to give Jo a calendar when she gets out of the house. Or at least a watch so she can understand the passing of time. Maybe not one with a big hand and a little hand, though. While she was in there, moaning for Britain, the other housemates took the opportunity to discuss her current mood. Rather than just pointing out she's a mardy old mare, H suggested that she feels lost after her comeback single flopped. Shilpa agreed, suggesting that she has no ambition and needs a goal, though we imagine that having a football pitch set up in her garden would prove to be an unwanted distraction. "She's more excited about her puppies than her career", was Jermaine's view, but then, in many ways her puppies are her career now. A bit like Danielle, really.

H questioned Jermaine on whether he looked back on some of the photoshoots he'd done in the Jackson 5 and cringed. Jermaine laughed in the affirmitive, though we imagine that when H looks back on some of his past photoshoots he doesn't so much cringe, more collapses in on himself in an implosion of embarrassment.

Dirk, who is looking for all the world like a man who wants to fire his agent, is not a popular man with our Jo, mainly because a) he won't lend her his lighter and b) didn't respond to her early morning pleasantries with anything more than a comment on the weather. While to you or I this might just come under the umbrella of 'Being a bit grumpy', Jo launched into a tirade of abuse, thoug hnot while he was in the actual room: "I'm going to end up going mad at him. Fucking rude. He's such an ignormant man, he's got an attitude problem. He's a miserable, bitter, twisted old man who still thinks he's 25. Well he aint, he's 60". Jo didn't so much get out of bed on the wrong side this morning as fall out of it into a pit filled with juicers which sucked out all the joy from her. If she carries on like this then she really will end up looking like a young Pat Butcher. Well, youngish.

She exhibited more joie de vivre when the shopping task was announced, a chance for the group to dress up as showgirls and perform a dance routine to the Scissor Sisters's I Don't Feel Like Dancing, but the old Joanna didn't want to play. Particularly after she saw the outfits being worn in the demonstration video, consisting, as they did, of bra, thong and feathers. "I won't be wearing that", she immediatly complained, despite the fact that there had been no indication whatsoever that that's what they would be wearing and, indeed, wasn't, "I will not be getting body out one bit", before declaring herself happy to live on a pound a day in her typically optimistic way.

The others were more enthusiastic, with H being quick to try and learn the routine and lead the others in the group, even though he doesn't consider himself to be a natural leader. Danielle was also keen to learn: "One, two... One two... but I don't know what comes after that" she began. "Three", replied H kindly, "Now let's get started on this dance routine.

Despite the procrastination, the house did manage to complete the task successfully, although they should perhaps have been docked points for Jo not suiting her headdress at all and for sitting cross-legged in her dress in a distinctly unladylike fashion. Perhaps her next reality show can be From Ladette to Lady. They were rewarded not only with an increased shopping budget, but with ice-cream and alcohol, a not exactly obvious combination. As the housemates got more and more hammered, they began to quiz Shilpa on why she doesn't drink. "I wanna see you drunk!", said Jo. "I don't like it and I don't want to make a fool of myself", was Shilpa's response. "But that's what it's for!", cried Jo happily, as she offered up a toast to Bacchus, Threshers, JD Wetherspoons and the holding cells of Romford Police Station.