Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Pan O'Meara/The H Factor: Day 14 

Day 14 in the Celebrity Big Brother house and the Coven are continuing their bullying of Shilpa by demanding to know what age she lost her virginity, a conversation she was clearly uncomfortable with, and frankly, we're not surprised. The sight of Jade's face bearing down upon you, her features hideously twisted into an agressive scowl, would make any conversation uncomfortable. It did allow us to learn that Jo lost her's at the age of 17, while H waited until he was 18, although he did seem to be very vauge and unsure about it, almost as if he was making it up. Don't worry, H, you just need to find the right guy. Jo also took exception to Shilpa's use of the phrase "making love", to describe the act of, ummm, love making. "A good old pounding", aparently is the phrase she'd prefer. You can take the girl out of Essex... but sometimes you have to wonder whether it's worth the effort.

But, despite H quite sweetly worrying that Jack might have been evicted after he answered Big Brother's call for a housemate to go to the diary room - and would anyone really notice if he had gone - the episode centred on a massive argument between Shilpa and Jade, watched by her harem of harpies, Jo and Danielle. It began after Shilpa asked the Coven whether they'd used up the last of the stock cubes and suddenly swelled, in much the same way a dehydrated island would expand when plonked in the middle of the ocean, into an all out shoutfest from Jade while Shilpa looked on bemused and uncomprehending while Jo and Danielle giggled into their pillows. Jade overacted for the cameras, constantly repeating the phrases she thought were particularly witty over and over again - a quick sample of the Oscar Wilde style territory we're covering here "Your head is so far up your own arse you can smell your own shit" (There may have been a few 'fucks' in there as well). The Readers Digest Book of Quotable Quotes is unlikely to be revising it's most recent edition - and generally helped remind the Great British public of exactly why we all hated her in the first place. Shilpa dealt with it with grace and dignity, before finally giving up and snapping "This is your claim to fame", something which really upset Jade. Mainly because it's true. H later congratulated her on this comment. And quite right too.

While Jo and Danielle were clever enough, in a relative sense, to avoid joining in the argument, they were quick to congratulate Jade afterwards. "Gotta say, that made my day", said Jo, while Danielle waded in with "I think she should fuck off home, she can't even speak properly", which we believe was the gist of the BNP's manifesto during last year's council elections.

The girls have also come to the conclusion that Shilpa is a mole, even Danielle, who's not entirely sure what a mole is. We're not convinced, but we can think of three girls in the house who seem to have spent a large part of their lives living underground, pretty much blind to the real world lurking just above the surface.