Thursday, September 15, 2005
In what is undoubtedly the most momentous news story since "Posh Boy Celebrates Birthday", Britney Spears has gone into hospital, been sliced where it's least likely to show when wearing a pair of hipsters, and popped out a baby. It's one of the boy persuasion, which is handy given that she's already got one of those, namely Kevin. Of course, nature abhors a vacuum - which is why the career of Jenny Frost seems unlikely to go anywhere fast - so once the speculation of when she was going to give birth disappeared, it was immediately replaced by a discussion of what the kid's going to be called. We're not quite sure what his surname is going to be - we'd prefer it to be Spears, but on the other hand, he could be taking his daddy's name: maybe he's born with it, maybe it's Federline - but even with that handicap, we still figured we'd throw our oar in and help her out with a few suggestions of our own:-
- Preston // This is what the smart money is on, although anyone who wastes their pennies betting on baby names probably can't really justify such an epiphet, with the US Weekly reporting this, citing unidentified sources, presumably because "Some guy smelling strongly of cheap alcohol" may well have weakened their credibility. We're not convinced, mainly because we don't think that Britney is that much of a fan of The Ordinary Boys.
- Kevin // Well, she'll be dealing with the pair of them in much the same way, so it'll save a bit of time.
- Christina // It's about time the pair of them buried the hatchet, and what better way to show that there's no hard feelings than by naming her newborn baby after Christina Aguilera. The fact that the child is male and could well end up being severely bullied at school if this turns out to be his chosen moniker is irrelevant. This is about building bridges between two pop queens, it's far more important than some kid's mental wellbeing.
- Bit Bit // Without wanting to be rude, Britney isn't exactly the brightest girl in the world, and may have problems remembering the names of all the loved ones in her life. This could easily be rectified if she doubled up and named newborn baby Spears after one of her dogs.
- Javelin // Self explanatory.
- Mr T // This is Kevin's suggestion.
- Pepsi // This may be one of the terms of her contract with the soft drink manufacturer, she skimmed over the parts of it dealing with her first born son so it's hard to be sure.
- Coca-cola // If they're quick enough with a counter offer.
- KFC // No sponsorship deal here, Kevin's just a really big fan of their bargain buckets.
- Eric // There really aren't enough people called Eric these days.
- Basil // After her favourite film, Basil, the Great Mouse Detective.
- Baby // Again, keeping it simple. Mainly for Kevin's benefit.