Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Monday, October 20, 2003

TiaPL Against The Music 

It's come to our attention that Miss Britney Spears is about to release a new single entitled Me Against The Music. Now, we haven't actually heard this track yet, but details like that have never stopped us having an opinion on things in the past, and we see no reason why this should change now, so we've decided that it's rubbish and is one of the worst things that we've never heard. Why? Well let us explain.

First up, it features Madonna, so is therefore one of the bottom 28 rubbish things in the world ever. Madonna is an untalented loon, she has a reverse Midas touch in the sense that everything she comes near turns to shite. Except for shite itself, which turns into a Madonna single, and thus the cycle continues, much in a Happy Days style, but with out the 'happy' part. Obviously.

Secondly Britney hasn't done anything good since ...Baby, One More Time, a song which is still heart-stoppingly and hip-shakingly excellent in every way, shape and form. Unfortunately since then she's decided to become a bit serious and mature, which is not what we want from our popstars. We still want them dressed in schoolgirl uniforms going "aow". Oh, and that means everyone, don't think you're getting out of it D-Side... it's about the only chance you've got to rescue your career. The only thing she's done that has been even close to the genius of her debut is the "what, what, what I wanna" bit from Overprotected. Unless the chorus to MATM goes "Hit me baby one, one, one-a-more-a time" then it will be as dire as discovering that no, not everyone has a tail, and that yes, your parents are wolves.

Still, we do expect it to be better than the new Holly Valance single, which is clearly her attempting to sound like Kylie, but she doesn't even come out of it as a Dannii.