Thursday, October 04, 2007
The A to Z of Nicola Roberts
It’s Nicola Roberts birthday tomorrow! Not, of course, that you’d know this from the official Girls Aloud calendar, where they’ve listed this momentous, historic date as Cheryl‘s birthday. How rude! And if we were Cheryl we wouldn’t be in quite so much of a rush to be ageing so quickly. Anyway, we’re going out to celebrate tomorrow but not before we mark the occasion by scraping the barrel of our already exhausted stock of material and presenting The A to Z of Nicola Roberts:-
- A is for Articulate. Which she may or may not be. We never get a chance to find out. She could be articulated for all we know.
- B is for Background. Which is normally where you’ll find her lurking.
- C is for Carefully. Which is how you have to listen if you want to hear the contributions she’s made to their albums.
- D is for David Devant and his Spirit Wife. Whose near hit Ginger must be Nicola’s debut solo single.
- E is for Elfin. Of which Nicola’s features are comparable. And in the sense that with the lack of reported sightings of her, many people consider her to be equally as mythical.
- F is for Five. The number of members in the band. Not Four, as some people seem to believe. Although in a very real sense there are zero members in the band.
- G is for Ginger. The natural, default state of Nicola’s hair, although the natural, default state of Nicola seems to involve doing her level best to disguise it.
- H is for Happiness. An emotion Nicola isn’t famed for expressing.
- I is for Inspired. Which the decision to let Nicola have lead vocals in their cover of Teenage Dirtbag certainly was.
- J is for Jail Bait. Thankfully Nicola is now well into her twenties.
- K is for Kitty Cat. Please do not give Nicola a gift wrapped kitty-cat as a present. Not only does it distress the animal, but also Nic already has umpteen of these and has taken to throwing them straight in the bin, unopened.
- L is for Lead Vocals. Even though Lead Balloon is a slightly more common occurrence in this world.
- M is for Magazine Articles. Nicola loves doing these. Sorry, ‘reading’, not doing, reading.
- N is for No, No, No. Not only part of the title of Girls Aloud’s most recent single, but also the response she gets whenever she suggests having a more prominent role in photoshoots.
- O is for Outside. Which, judging by her paleness, Nicola doesn’t get to see a lot of, which adds credence to our theory that the other girls are evil and keep her in a box.
- P is for Poor Lighting. Occasionally employed by photographers taking solo shots of Nicola, which we assume is because she would otherwise outshine the other girls so much it’d be embarrassing for them.
- Q is for Quick. Which you have to be if you want to catch a glimpse of her in the band’s early videos.
- R is for Rude Ginger Bitch. Botherd.
- S is for Sarah. One of Nicola’s bandmates. It is definitely for Solo Lines.
- T is for Token. Which her presence occasionally feels like.
- U is for Underwear. Often used for hanging around the kitchen in. Mainly because Nic hasn’t been told where the photoshoot is so is doing her own anyway.
- V is for Vital. Because Nicola is vital to the band, it is also for her vital statistics, which are impressive.
- W is for Wedding. Nicola is apparently planning for hers, which some readers have e-mailed us to offer their condolences for, but we don’t mind. She can plan it as much as she wants. It’s the actual having of such an event which would upset us.
- X is for Xylophone. She sometimes gets given one to play with during recording sessions. It keeps her busy while the other girls are recording their vocals.
- Y is for Yes she is!. Which we find ourselves forced to utter after we tell people she’s our favourite member.
- Z is for Zebra. Nicola would never wear Zebra skin, but would look good in faux zebra shoes.
Labels: A to Z, Girls Aloud, Nicola Roberts
