Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Monday, June 18, 2007

Who Do You Think You Were? 

We've been avoiding talking about the rumours of a potential Spice Girls reunion, mainly because it's been on and off more often than a faulty light switch, but now that Mel C has finally come to the conclusion that the world was not dying to hear her cover of I Want Candy and that pulling out the tracksuit for one more airing might well stave off having to get a regular job as a Loose Women panellist it seems like it really is going to happen at some point this year.

This is not a good idea.

Now, it goes without saying that we loved the Spice Girls, but the problem is very much with the tense, and we're not just referring to the state of Victoria's shoulders when she realises that she might actually be forced to sing live again. We loved the Spice Girls, but that was in the past and, reluctant as we might be to admit it sometimes, the world, much like Geri's figure, has moved on and there is no way the Spice Girls could actually 'be' the Spice Girls in this day and age. Any performance or gig that they did would be layered with so much irony and awkward self awareness as to remove the thing that made them so wonderful the first time around; the joyousness, the wide-eyed excitement, the don't give a damn attitude, the whole let's just lark around and see what happens vibe which surrounded them like the stench of pointlessness which lingers wherever the Kaiser Chiefs have been hanging around. Oh, and the fact that they were five quite different girls so every guy could pick a favourite. That probably helped too.

Instead of the sparkle and glamour and fun we'll have an embarrassed, self-conscious run through of Wannabe, some awkward banter and lame jokes about how they've changed and the 'ridiculous' outfits they used to wear, far too many ballads and the whole Girl Power thing being reduced from a powerful and important feminist campaign tool to a half thought out soundbite used by Geri whenever she can't think of anything else to say. So at least one thing'll still be the same.

If it had happened back when it was originally mooted, for the Live 8 concerts - and was swiftly dropped once they got Pink Floyd on board, for reasons which only make sense if you're Bob Geldof and are so out of touch with public opinion that you genuinely believe people want to see you do I Don't Like Mondays one more sodding time - then it probably would have worked; three songs, a euphoric blast of sugary joy and then over, never to be repeated again. Unfortunately there's now so much pressure and expectation on them for the reformation that it could never hope to live up to the hype that's being heaped upon them. It now can only ever be a disappointment and insult to their history, and the only real benefit of them coming back together is that at least it'll put an end to all this speculation and we can move on to the important matters in music once again; namely when the hell are allSTARS* going to get back together again?

We will, of course, still be getting tickets if it does ever happen. We're nothing if not entirely hypocritical.

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