Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Brits Happening Tonight
Yes we are quite lazy about actually updating this site, despite relaunching it in a blaze of mediocrity. Oh well! Fortunately there's a big music event happening tonight, but we won't be covering that as we're going to be watching the always disappointing Brit awards instead. We'll probably write it up tomorrow, but we'll definitely be covering it live on twitter (@flumcake) so feel free to join us there as we throw our hurls of disgust out into the cyber-ether. Again.
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
But What About The Elephants?
So, Blue are going to be representing the UK in Eurovision this year. The "Who?" we know, but the "Why?" is something we're still struggling to understand. Perhaps, aware of the fact that Ireland might be sending Jedward overseas, we've decided to send a joke act in as well, or perhaps they overheard someone saying that the UK only wins Eurovision once in a blue moon and got confused. Who knows, the only thing that's certain is that we're going to be the first act to ever get negative points in the competition.
The song is called I Can - which may be an attempt to trick people into voting for it by making them believe they're pre-registering for the latest Apple hypertech gizmo - and, while we've not actually heard it yet, we do know exactly what it's going to sound like and will not be surprised when they start making anguished expressions towards the camera two thirds of the way through the song, just before they get up from their stools in time for the final key change. Antony has certainly been practicing for this moment, having recently been caught with an anguished expression on his face as he stood at a cash machine, not only taking money out and having a conversation on his phone, but embracing the world of multitasking by merrily pissing down his leg as he did so. Still, who says Blue can't produce a number one these days?
Rumours that Lee Ryan is going to have his tongue removed to stop him saying anything stupid before the contest are entirely correct, and are unlikely to hamper his singing ability in anyway whatsoever.
The song is called I Can - which may be an attempt to trick people into voting for it by making them believe they're pre-registering for the latest Apple hypertech gizmo - and, while we've not actually heard it yet, we do know exactly what it's going to sound like and will not be surprised when they start making anguished expressions towards the camera two thirds of the way through the song, just before they get up from their stools in time for the final key change. Antony has certainly been practicing for this moment, having recently been caught with an anguished expression on his face as he stood at a cash machine, not only taking money out and having a conversation on his phone, but embracing the world of multitasking by merrily pissing down his leg as he did so. Still, who says Blue can't produce a number one these days?
Rumours that Lee Ryan is going to have his tongue removed to stop him saying anything stupid before the contest are entirely correct, and are unlikely to hamper his singing ability in anyway whatsoever.
Monday, February 07, 2011
Saturdays Everyday
So we went to see The Saturdays in Glasgow yesterday. Up was where we went from here. (Actually, it was West, but the girls have yet to write a song about that particular direction. Selfish cows). The quick review is that they were ace and we liked Mollie the best, but below is all the things they did and didn't do:-
THINGS THE SATURDAYS DID DO
THINGS THE SATURDAYS DID DO
- Have Rubbish Support Bands. First up was Twenty Twenty, who have quite possibly been to the Year 3000 and what they went to school for was advanced teaching in how to rip off Busted, and they were quickly followed by SixD, a sort of singing Flawless, who hoped that constant somersaulting would distract from their poor quality miming and the fact that one of their songs was a blatant rip off of David Guetta's When Love Takes Over. It didn't, but they were better than Twenty Twenty. Although as having your eyes replaced by angry worms would be better than Twenty Twenty this isn't saying much.
- Have a Really Odd Opening. We have rhapsodised before about the curtain drop opening where the band appear in silhouette before launching into a suitably mega opening track. The curtain sat covering the front of the stage, the lights dimmed and the crowd began to cheer. Anticipation built, and the sounds of Duck Sauce's Barbara Streisand filled the arena. And then... Then the curtain remained resolutely undropped, as the Saturdays decided that the best way to get the crowd pumped up was, umm, to spend five minutes saying random people's names in the gaps in the song. We presume they were competition winners, and not just people that the girls wanted removed from the arena for security reasons, but it didn't half go on. When the curtain eventually dropped it revealed an empty stage, only for the girls to finally reveal themselves when a lift rose from the back of the stage. Tsk!
- Played The Hits. Well they kinda had to really. Although opening with Higher and following it up with Up a couple of songs later is frontloading the set just a little bit. And also showcasing a possibly autistic obsession with that particular direction.
- Played Some Album Tracks. Which seemed to go down well enough with the audience, even the ballady stuff, which tends to lead to a rush to the bar, kept the crowd on their feet. Although the "SO WHO THE HELL IS SHE!" shouts weren't loud enough for our liking.
- Played Rhianna. But we're not quite sure why. They opened with Love the Way You Lie and we were immediately disappointed they only did the chorus and Mollie didn't do an Eminem impersonation. It's also hard to convincingly sing about being the only girl in the world when there are four other examples of the gender standing next to you.
- Shifted Some Stairs Around. Which we believe was supposed to count as stagecraft, but mainly served to look like they were doing their best to keep the band hidden as much as possible. Other examples of stagecraft included holding some helium balloons for Just Can't Get Enough, although it wasn't made clear if this was part of the show or just the girls collecting their payment for the gig a bit early.
- Awkwardly Covered The Costume Changes. The highlight of this was probably a filmed insert which purported to be live coverage of the girls going to their dressing room to get changed, which might have been more convincing if we as an audience hadn't been quietly watching this when Rochelle claimed to be able to hear us cheering all the way from her dressing room. Ah, the magic of theatre, so swiftly extinguished :(
- Wore Some Nice Outfits. Sigh, etc.
- Play Keep Her. Grr!
