Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

10 Things We State About... 

The nominees for the NME Awards were announced yesterday. If you missed them, here's a quick summary: Boyz rool! Girls suck! Guitars forever!

Anyway, to celebrate this attempt to give the magazine something to write about in January valid date in the awards calendar, here are ten entirely true and in no way made up facts about the NME Awards:-
  1. Oasis have won every category of award the magazine gives out, including best band, best album, and most fanciable female, the latter coming about during a time in Liam's life where he was "confused".
  2. The NME Award is a raised middle finger. This is because the NME still believes that swearing on TV is somehow controversial.
  3. Females are eligible for a number of awards, but aren't allowed to attend the ceremony as they have "cooties" and other forms of girl germs.
  4. The NME Awards were originally set up as it was felt the Brit Awards didn't properly reflect the music scene. Said a spokesman at the time "The Brits give prizes to a lot of terrible bands, and we feel there's a whole genre of awful music they're completely ignoring. We want to give our rubbish music a chance to wither in the spotlight as well".
  5. One of the signs of Armageddon and the general end of the world, as foretold in the Book of Revelation in the bible, is Muse not receiving a nomination for Best Live Band.
  6. The awards are normally hosted by a comedian, although their material tends to fall flat when compared to the jokes who actually receive the prizes.
  7. The Philip Hall Radar award is given to a band who the writing staff feel are exciting and innovative and destined for big things. They will never ever be heard of again.
  8. They also award a prize for "Godlike Genius", which is normally given out ironically to acts who have produced little of any actual worth, but who are a bit old and have the night of the ceremony free.
  9. During the Britpop years, an administration error led to most of the prizes being awarded to Chas & Dave.
  10. They should really bring back the Smash Hits Poll Winners Party, shouldn't they?