Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Live Earth: Live - Hour Three: 16.30PM 

Thandie Newton is wheeled on to introduce Al Gore, who's going to be speaking to us live from Washington - What? Is it really that much hassle for him to get a transatlantic flight to say a quick hello - and bigs him up in the sort of manner which would make even a professional lickspittle feel might be going a bit too far. Unfortunately for Thandie, however, she gets to the end of her spiel only to discover that Al's not actually ready yet and she is forced to fill. "I have nothing whatsoever to say", she informs the crowd, before going on to prove this by going on to some ill thought out tangent about how everyone who's at the concerts or is vaguely environmental in some way is 200% more attractive than anyone else in the world. She namedrops George Clooney and eventually resorts to telling Knock Knock jokes before some kind soul takes pity on her and decides to show a film instead.

Al himself eventually gets onto the Washington stage and reads out the Live Earth pledge and encourages us all to sign up for it. We'd tell you what it was, but it's seven points of worthy yet unwieldy rhetoric and we lost interest after point one. Make Poverty History may have been a simplistic and poorly thought out campaign, but at least it's slogan and concept was easy to remember. Al then introduces Trisha Yearwood and Garth Brooks, before Jonathan rescues us. "I don't think we need to see that", he suggests, rightly, before going on to introduce Paolo Nutini on the Wembley stage instead. Out of the fire...

At least, we assume it's Paolo, it could quite easily be a drunken tramp from King's Cross Station who has somehow managed to wangle his way on stage. He opens with Allouway Grove, holding on to the mic stand for dear life and generally looking like he should be standing outside your local newsagents, fighting with the bins. He's not much of a chatter, his between song banter being limited to thanks, naming the songs and inquiring whether anyone in the audience might have 10p so he could have a cup of tea.

Last Request is next, apparently performed by Paolo in an offensive attempt at a stereotypical Indian accent, something which seems to amuse him no end, before he launches into a cover of It's a Wonderful Life. Impressively, and unlike most tramps who attempt this song, he knows all the words. Most don't even get beyond the first verse before they wet themselves and throw their empty cider cans at something. He closes with Jenny Don't be Hasty, for which he briefly lets go of the mic stand, the better to waggle his finger and admonish some unknown figure who only he can see. Finished, he quickly runs off. Possibly to be sick in a corner somewhere.

CURRENT CARBON FOOTPRINT: A small dog, the sort which is normally carried around by Paris Hilton, etc, who has been placed on the ground for the first time in its life and is unsure of how best to distribute its weight evenly.

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