Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Pan O'Meara/The H Factor: Day 19 

Day 19 in the Celebrity Big Brother house and, not entirely unsurprisingly, Big Brother felt in need of some cheering up. To this end the housemates' task for the day was to try and make Big Brother laugh. Naturally the housemates all immediately took to this task with glee and excitement and none more so than 'Smiler' Jo. "I'm rubbish at things like this", she chortled, "It's making me ill. I don't think this is funny at all.". Still, she later proved she had a grasp of the basic fundamentals of comedy as she decided on the tactic she felt would be most likely to make Big Brother fall about in paroxysms of laughter: "Ah, I'll stick a wig on". And she did.

Equally unhappy and fatalistic about the task was Danielle, who was first to try and entertain BB, but when she went into the Diary Room and declared "I'm not a racist", gales of laughter rocketed around the house as wild hilarity ensued. Well, no. What she actually did was put on a wig and glasses and 'pretend' to be a not very attractive girl who wanted to be a model and go out with a footballer. As this appeared to be nothing more than a reading of her bio it was unsurprising that BB remained in stony silence throughout.

Jo, for all her complaining, did, in fact, manage to succeed in her task, although spending the first couple of minutes moaning about her inability to be funny didn't really stand her in good stead. Fortunately she decided to half heartedly tell a joke - "Two camels are in the desert and one turns to the other and says 'Why have you got the hump?'" - which appealed to Big Brother's sense of humour, Big Brother apparently being 12. Still it got a laugh so Jo was able to leave the diary room with her head held high. It must have been the wig.

H was next and he, rather than simply describing some of the outfits he wore in his Steps days, chose to perform in the character of Cecil Sidebottom, "A 30 year old well hung virgin who works as a Rick Astley impersonator" and proved, if nothing else, that H is something of a connoisseur of the 'comedy vicar' school of humour. Still, his rendition of Never Gonna Give You Up tickled BB's funny bone and he too got a laugh.

"He doesn't strike me as a stand up comedian, but I bet he'll be really funny", said H of Jermaine and he was! Jermaine sat in the diary room for five minutes performing a song called Shake It which consisted of him shaking his maracas for most of the time before pausing, saying "Break... Shake it", and then shaking his maracas for the rest of the time. Comedy gold, and we mean that most sincerely. Although given some of the stuff we've written over the years, our opinion on what counts as comedy gold may not be worth listening too.

Jack, understanding comedy staples even better than Jo, chose to wear a thong and a bra in his bid to drive Big Brother to the point of hilarity. Do you see! He's a man! And he's wearing women's clothes! And he's a man! Genius. His performance caused Big Brother to vomit.

Anyway, overall they passed their test, but still Jo wasn't cheered up, complaining to Danielle and Shilpa - they're all pals again now, funny that - of a feeling of anxiety and general dread about what's going on out there, presumably in relation to the racism row. "We're playing the potato game", she surmised, whatever that might be. We literally have no idea what she's talking about, unless she means a game where you have a row of objects and have to decide whether you're looking at a potato or, in fact, a rock. We imagine the enjoyment would pall pretty quickly. Danielle, who has to be the centre of attention otherwise she'll scream and scream and scream until she's sick, chipped in with her twopennorth, reasoning it'll be worse for her because of her boyfriend. "Imagine how well known Teddy is!", she squealed, not giving a toss about the fact that the vast majority of the population would stand more chance of picking Teddy Ruxpin out of a police line up than Teddy Sherringham.