Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Five. Alive. 

And so, in news that was kept under wraps with the same sort of success as you might expect from an attempt to disguise a Christmas present of a bicycle, Five - or 5ive, or, indeed, Fiveive - are back. Except, of course, it's not actually five of them, as only Abs, Richie, and two others who you may or may not remember, can actually be arsed to get involved. They won't be calling themselves 4our, though, as apparently "Five's a brand, not a number". We can say, with some authority as, believe it or not, we hold an honours degree in mathematics - well, it's clearly not in English or journalism, is it - that five quite definitely is a number. It comes between four and six. We think he's getting confused with St. Ivel, who make butter.

Anyway, we're quite glad to see that they're coming back as, despite the fact they wore their "Bad boys" tag slightly awkwardly - it's rare to see bad boys performing synchronised dance routines outside of the not exactly documentary realistic world of West Side Story - they did offer something far more interesting than the homogenised, white suited balladry of the Boyzone's and the Westlife's they were up against back in their heyday. You may not quite have believed they were on their local police's ASBO hitlist, but you would have accepted that they probably did have such poor manners that they would, in preference to using a knife and fork, eat with their fingers.

They're doing this for entirely unselfish reasons of course, and not because they saw the money roll in for the Take That reunion and thought "Wow, we fancy a piece of that", as they have a new album ready to go and, of course, it's what the fans wanted. We're not convinced that giving Five fans what they want is that good an idea, though. We still remember the venom directed at poor Billie, just because she had the temerity to go out with Richie, when they would probably have been a bit better directing said venom at Richie, who at the time seemed to be under the belief that "Worse make-up than an 11 year old girl experimenting with cosmetics for the first time" really was a good look to be going for.

Still, we wish them all the best, but with all these comebacks going on, it can't be that long before the proto-Busted North and South throw their hats into the ring. Oh please, God, let it be so. And then allSTARS. And then Girl Things. Thanks!