Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Saturday, February 04, 2006

The 98th Actual Worst Record, Ever 

Who'da thought someone named Crispian might make awful records? Oh...

For a man not averse to spouting absolute nonsense - "I want to have great big burning swastikas on stage", "Tony Blair can stand there and tell me about health, and that his kid is not getting cancer, but basically they're just going to make an army of terminators and try and invade China with them", "Tattva, acintya bheda bheda tattva" - Crispian Mills, the lead singer of Kula Shaker, managed to out do himself on Mystical Machine Gun - which musically was their usual mix of vaguely eastern sounds mixed with indie sludge, i.e. crap - when he decided that the best chorus he could think of, the one couplet that would capture the hearts and minds of a nation already a bit iffy about the whole Kula Shaker thing thanks to the aforesaid swastika comments (and because Kula Shaker themselves were a bit iffy as a band), the one phrase that he wanted to hear millions upon millions of adoring fans - this is his mind, remember, not actual reality - shout back at him as they play Wembley Stadium for the umpteenth night in a row, the one sentence that would make all the journalists who wrote nasty things about him tear up their notebooks and crawl to him on hands and knees to apologise for making him cry while telling him that they now saw him for the lyrical genius he actually was and would never ever call him a posh Nazi wanker again, was: "You're a wizard in a blizzard, a mystical machine gun!".

What a twat.