Tuesday, February 28, 2006
The 94th Actual Worst Record, Ever
Some people believe that blurry vision can be caused by excessive masturbation. Puddle of Mudd are certainly a bunch of wankers.Fred Durst has a lot to answer for. And, if our petition to the House of Lords gets accepted, he will soon be answering for them in a court of law, though we have asked that any legal proceedings are held off until the death penalty for people found guilty of being irritating twats with all the musical talent of a triangle player in the nursery band is brought onto the statute books. Anyway, one of the many, many charges which will be brought against him is the bringing to the attention of the general public, Puddle of Mudd, whose Blurry is clearly the 94th actual worst record ever released.
It's hard to know why the public rushed in such droves to by this. After all, they were signed by the immature Limp Bizkit frontman and much of their early publicity was centred around Fred going "They're dead good!" and given that Fred also considers the entire recorded works of Limp Bizkit to be "Dead good", despite the fact that it's the aural equivalent of sandpapering your own fingers off, this should really have given everyone a clue to the fact that they were probably a bit on the shit side. Even if this wasn't enough, the awfulness of their name should have been ringing alarm bells; the double D clearly indicating that tits were involved.
Unfortunately, even with their direness being signposted more clearly than the major city of your choice, the public took to this record with ridiculous haste. While it's number 8 position may not seem too impressive - and it's certainly far more than it deserved - it seemed to be a mainstay of radio playlists up and down the land. No matter when you tuned in it seemed you were destined to hear the lead singer bemoaning the fact that his girlfriend had left him, although given the complete lack of emotion and passion which he put into his performance it left you feeling more that he was just mildly pissed off because the snooker had overrun so Ready Steady Cook got cancelled. And he's not even that into Ready Steady Cook.
Overall it's a listening experience akin to sticking your ear next to a real puddle of mud. All brown and gloopy and unpleasant. And likely to cause your head to be run over by a reckless cyclist. Something which would still be far more enjoyable than this complete load of tripe.
music puddle of mudd
