Monday, November 07, 2005
It's Monday! And due to having somewhat - ahem - overindulged over the weekend, our review of Saturday's X Factor will have to wait until later on this week. Sorry. So, having learnt that Bonfire Night is quite possibly the worst night of the year to have a crippling hangover, let's turn our attention to better things and find out what we learnt from this weeks Top of the Pops:-
- The lovely Fearne was unavailable this week, so presenting duties were handed over to Reggie Watts for the evening. He, however, was also not trusted to manage the not hugely complex task of hosting a live show by himself, so was helped, in the loosest possible sense of the word by, ummm, Anastasia?
- Confusingly, Number 1 by Goldfrapp only got to number 9.
- Here Allison was looking less like the futuristic sex minx of legend, and more like a Barbie doll who's just received a haircut from the enthusiastic, yet entirely untrained hands of a six year old.
- Il Divo are labouring under the delusion that translating All By Myself into Italian somehow makes their laboured schtick worthy and not just a demonstration of what happens when you put Westlife into better suits.
- Mutya Sugababe has gone ginger! Hooray!
- However, their chorus of "If I'm ugly then so are you" is less lyrical insight, more playground banter.
- RETRO: Dire Straits and Romeo and Juliet. Ironically, due to the bird flu outbreak, Mark Knopfler has been forced to close down his poultry farm, leading to him giving away his chicks for free.
- History was made here, in the "stuff that happened in the past" sense, rather than the more normally studied "important stuff that happened in the past" sense, as Green Day did the longest ever performance in Top of the Pops history.
- Jesus of Suburbia clocked in, by our stopwatch, at 9 minutes 11 seconds, despite the fact there was clearly no need for it to be that long. Face it, it's no Bat out of Hell.
- Indeed, you'd have thought that in a song that nearly hits the ten minute mark, there'd have been at least one original idea.
- As the audience's attention was unlikely to be held by Green Day alone, fire effects were employed in a brave bid to stop their brains haemorrhaging through sheer boredom.
- Despite not having a single moment which could in any way be described as comedy, Craig David's video for Don't Love You No More is still funnier than the entire output of Bo Selecta.
- RETRO: Super Furry Animals doing Do or Die. This was the shortest ever Top of the Pops performance, clocking in at a mere 100 seconds. Even had Green Day's performance been that long, it would still have seemed like 9 minutes, 11 seconds.
- Westlife are still at number one. And it's still entirely shit.