Thursday, June 30, 2005
Upd8 Upd8
Right, we've got a lot to get through here, so let's keep this intro short. Here are, as we understand it, the latest additions to the line ups for all the Live 8 concerts around the world on Saturday. This should be considered in no way accurate or definitive, as not only is trying to find out who's playing where something of a thankless task, but there's likely to be a lot of shuffling around and special guests announced before the main event. Already a number of acts have been moved from London's bill to play at the Paris event and, slightly more interestingly, the success of Italy's gig seems to be hanging in the balance after the headliner, Vasco Rossi pulled out citing a clash with another gig which he'd somehow forgotten he was doing and a general lack of interest in the gig from the locals.
Anyway, barring any major incidents, cancellations or dental appointments, here are the latest additions to the line-up and you can also find our full look at the artists involved here.
Anyway, barring any major incidents, cancellations or dental appointments, here are the latest additions to the line-up and you can also find our full look at the artists involved here.
- London, Hyde Park
- The Who - If Pete Townsend, a man on the sex offenders register for downloading child porn, is being invited to play, can a Gary Glitter comeback be that far behind?
- UB40 - So, as the main stage bill has been widely criticised for not having enough black artists, getting a reggae act probably seemed like a really good idea, but could they really not think beyond the somewhat pale Campbell brothers?
- The Who - If Pete Townsend, a man on the sex offenders register for downloading child porn, is being invited to play, can a Gary Glitter comeback be that far behind?
- Philadelphia,Museum of Art
- Alicia Keys - As worthy as separating your rubbish out for recycling and about half as exciting.
- Black Eyed Peas - Or "That Where is the Love? band", as they would have been called when the bookers got together to discuss the line-up.
- Def Leppard - There's a lot that can be said about Def Leppard, but when you get down to it, they're pretty armless. Arf!
- Destiny's Child - We thought that
Beyonce had decidedthey'd come to the mutual decision to split up the band. If there's any justice in the world, they'll come on, do Lose My Breath, Say My Name and Bootylicious, with maybe a quick blast of Crazy in Love thrown in for good measure. Of course, as the whole point of these gigs is to point out that one thing the world lacks is justice, we're going to get Girl, Soldier and a quick blast through Dilemma. Bollocks. - Jars Of Clay - Christians, apparently. Unless they're going to be fighting lions on stage, we don't want to know.
- Josh Groban - Using Allmusic.com as our guide, we learn that he's similar to Michael Crawford. We hope that this is more in a hilarious beret wearing slapstick comedy vein, rather than a sings the song of Andrew Lloyd Webber vibe.
- Linkin Park - Surely their fanbase has finished going through puberty by now?
- Toby Keith - This is the guy who, after September 11th, wrote the hyperpatriotic and hugely xenophobic track, Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American), in which he suggested that the best way to deal with any problems was via the "Boot in the Ass" method. This lyric sheet later became George Bush's entire foreign policy document.
- Alicia Keys - As worthy as separating your rubbish out for recycling and about half as exciting.
- Paris, Eiffel Tower
- Cerrone/Nile Rogers - Nile was a member of Chic, so good times are likely to be in order during their performance. Yowsah, yowsah yowsah, indeed.
- Cure - Moved from London bill.
- Diam's - On site diner, serving cherry pie and coffee.
- Dido - Moved from London bill.
- Disiz Lapeste - We reckon that this is Dizzy Rascal rapping in his GCSE French.
- Faudel - He does what is known as "Algerian Rai" music. The only Algerian Rai we know runs a snack bar in the high street.
- Florent Pagny - Along with her friends Dougal, Brian and Dillon, Florent has featured in many episodes of kids TV classic, The Magic Roundabout. Most recently the gang appeared on the big screen, where Kylie provided his voice.
- Kool Shen - A French rapper. He's either been in jail, or is just vaguely grumpy with the police force. It's hard to tell with the mangled translation of his bio we're looking at.
- Muse - Moved from London bill.
- Pascal Obispo - A pink indigestion medicine.
- Raphael - A lean, green, fighting machine.
- Shakira - Not only is Shakira very ace, but she also has lovely hair. Result!
- Sheryl Crow - Actually, we think Sheryl has pulled out, no doubt realising that if she tried to do All I Wanna Do she'd be booed off, seeing a since the cover, Amy Studt now owns that song, although what with the baliffs having been round, it's now the only thing she owns.
- Cerrone/Nile Rogers - Nile was a member of Chic, so good times are likely to be in order during their performance. Yowsah, yowsah yowsah, indeed.
- Circus Maximus, Rome
- Articolo 31 - A pair of Italian rappers. Otherwise known as the packaging from two Cornetto's. Arf!
- Biagio Antonacci - Allmusic.com reckons that these words best describe his work: Fiery, Intense, Rousing, Aggressive, Angst-Ridden, Bittersweet, Yearning, Searching, Earnest. We reckon this is a long winded way of saying "A bit like Nickelback".
- Francesco De Gregori - A bit like Bob Dylan, though probably a bit easier to understand, despite him singing in a different language.
- Francesco Renga - Hmm, we can't find a biography, so feel free to make up your own one liner to put in here.
- Gemelli Diversi - Again, little info other than the largely unhelpful news that he's in the "world" genra.
- Le Vibrazioni - We're picking up good le Vibrazioni. In fact, they're giving us excitazioni.
- Max Pezzali - A rebranded Max Bygraves.
- Negramaro - If we ever decide to do something like this again, can someone please remind us to learn how to speak Italian first.
- Noa - Will be flooded with accolades.
- Tiromancino - A dessert of cake infused with a liquid such as coffee or rum, layered with a rich cheese filling, and topped with grated chocolate.
- Articolo 31 - A pair of Italian rappers. Otherwise known as the packaging from two Cornetto's. Arf!
- Berlin, Brandenberg Gate
- Audioslave - Ye Gods. They would even be unfashionable if it was still the time when their style of music was fashionable.
- Faithless - Currently flogging their greatest hits, seemingly unaware that any punter who owns a copy of Insomnia already possesses it.
- Herbert Gronemeyer - We don't care what he sounds like, we just love his name.
- Joana Zimmer - Is apparently similar to both Celine Dion (is their any artist on this bill who isn't?) and Gary Barlow; a combination about as enticing as tomato ketchup and raspberry jam.
- Juan Diego Florez - A Tenor and the new Pavarotti. He's still got a long way to go though. At least 20 stones we reckon.
- Juli - Apparently both wistful and energetic. if that's the case then we hope she does a cover of Belle and Sebastian's Lonliness of a Middle Distance Runner.
- Reamonn - The world's only two in one Scooby Doo/Eamon impersonator.
- Renee Olstead - Like Michael Buble. And that's probably the only time you'll find those three words in the same sentence, unless they're preceded by the phrase "I don't".
- Sasha - Welsh dancey type. He was big in the nineties, but then, so was the BSE scare and we don't really want to go back to that now, do we?
- Silbermond - Their lead singer is quite attractive in a 'punky Dannii Minogue' kinda way, so we'll give them the benefit of the doubt.
- Von Sohne Mannheims - And when we're learning Italian, we should probably brush up on our German as well.
- Wir Sind Helden - They're apparently a bit like The Sundays, and they have Tintin esque cover art! They must be ace! Though they're also a bit like The Cranberries, so they might actually be rubbish. Hmmm, let's hope they're talking Linger, rather than Zombie.
- Audioslave - Ye Gods. They would even be unfashionable if it was still the time when their style of music was fashionable.
- Cornwall, Eden Project
As both time and, slightly more importantly, the law of diminishing returns are against us, we're not going to bother providing 'hilarious' commentary on each of the acts listed for the WOMAD sponsored Eden gig as we are, unfortunately far to ignorant to offer anything more illuminating than half arsed jokes about their names. But for completeness, here's the line-up.- Akim El Sikameya
- Angelique Kidjo
- Ayub Ogada
- Chartwell Dutiro
- Daara J
- Geoffrey Oryema
- Maryam Mursal
- Modou Diouf & O Fogum
- Mory Kante
- Rokia Traore
- Shikisha
- Tinariwen
- Thomas Mapfumo & the Blacks Unlimited
- Youssou N'Dour
- Zap Mamma
- Akim El Sikameya
