Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Painful S&M News
Every silver lining, as The Supernaturals once sang, has a cloud, and so it seems in the world of pop that each piece of good news must be followed up by something less than enjoyable. While on the one hand we're quite happy because Girls Aloud have quietly dropped their plans to release Wicked Game - the official reason being given is that the girls have time to do promotion for it and, of course, has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that everyone who heard about it immediately went "Blimey! What a rubbish idea!" - our celebrations are somewhat tempered by the rumours we've read about Sam and Mark leaving Top of the Pops Saturday to return to their music 'career'.
We actually quite like Sam and Mark as presenters, mainly because when they're playing silly buggers with various low-rent popstars they're not actually singing, but even without that particular bonus, they do work quite well together and act as a good foil for Fearne. It seems that while neither of them personally have enough personality to fill an egg cup - remember, they were both beaten on Pop Idol by Michelle McManus, a girl who's only noticeable personality trait was that she was quite fond of cake - as a duo they have just enough to co-host a Saturday morning telly show. This is not the same thing, however, as having enough personality to front a pop career, something which they amply proved with their first two releases.
Obviously, if Sam and Mark want to leave the show, there's not a lot we can do to stop them. Indeed, the choice might not even be up to them, but we feel that by not having the "Keeping Sam and Mark employed and well away from a recording studio" factor in their favour, the BBC would be seriously weakening the argument for keeping the license fee, but if they are desperate for new projects, they don't need to return to music, we can think of loads of different things they could try, here are just a few:-
We actually quite like Sam and Mark as presenters, mainly because when they're playing silly buggers with various low-rent popstars they're not actually singing, but even without that particular bonus, they do work quite well together and act as a good foil for Fearne. It seems that while neither of them personally have enough personality to fill an egg cup - remember, they were both beaten on Pop Idol by Michelle McManus, a girl who's only noticeable personality trait was that she was quite fond of cake - as a duo they have just enough to co-host a Saturday morning telly show. This is not the same thing, however, as having enough personality to front a pop career, something which they amply proved with their first two releases.
Obviously, if Sam and Mark want to leave the show, there's not a lot we can do to stop them. Indeed, the choice might not even be up to them, but we feel that by not having the "Keeping Sam and Mark employed and well away from a recording studio" factor in their favour, the BBC would be seriously weakening the argument for keeping the license fee, but if they are desperate for new projects, they don't need to return to music, we can think of loads of different things they could try, here are just a few:-
- Batman and Robin - It's all well and good having the dark, edgy and gothic films keeping the Bruce Wayne flag flying, but don't you find yourself hankering after the days of the cartoony, camp and, well, slightly crap days of the Adam West TV series? We do, and we think that Sam and Mark would be perfect for the role of the dynamic duo, even if it would require a considerable ramping up of their current dynamo level. It could even provide a role for their a leather clad Michelle McManus, their old arch-nemesis, as the fan favourite Fatwoman.
- Acrobatic Pair - We're sure that their fans would appreciate the chance to see them dressed in tight unitards, and we're even surer that their haters would appreciate the possibility that one of them might fall many, many feet to their doom as a result of a fumbled catch.
- Comedy Double Act - They should certainly be used to being laughed at by now, and the world needs another pairing of the Cannon and Ball, Little and Large style level.
- Stunt doubles for future White Stripes' videos - Self explanatory.
- One standing on the other's shoulders while wearing a long jacket - Not actually employment related, but it would allow them to get into the cinema for the price of one ticket.
- Hosting the ITV Nightly News - Although ITV are likely to shirk at this idea, mainly because they don't want their news output to be seen as too intellectual.
- Mime duo - Oh, wait. That was their pop career.
- Rubbish men - Oh, wait. That was their pop career.
